If It Ruins Me

Verse 1
I know you’re bad for my sleep
You keep me up past three
Saying things you don’t mean
But I still let you speak

My friends say I should leave
That you’re no good for me
But they don’t hear your voice
When it’s just you and me

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Pre-Chorus
And I know where this goes
Yeah I’ve seen it before
But I’m walking in slow
Like I want it even more

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Chorus (upbeat but aching)
If it ruins me, I might let it
If it breaks my heart, I won’t forget it
At least I felt something real for a minute
Even if I’m the one who ends up in it

I could walk away, I could stop this
But I’m so tired of playing it cautious
If I go down, at least I chose it
Even if I know how it goes

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Verse 2
You only call when you’re low
Say you don’t wanna be alone
And I know I’m not the one
But I still pick up the phone

It’s like I’m stuck in between
Being smart and being seen
And I hate how I need
Something I know you can’t be

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Pre-Chorus
And I know where this leads
Yeah you’re not what I need
But I’m falling too deep
And I don’t wanna leave

⸻

Chorus
If it ruins me, I might let it
If it breaks my heart, I won’t forget it
At least I felt something real for a minute
Even if I’m the one who ends up in it

I could walk away, I could stop this
But I’m so tired of playing it cautious
If I go down, at least I chose it
Even if I know how it goes

⸻

Bridge (soft, confessional)
Maybe I just like the feeling
Of almost having something
Even if it’s never really
Mine to begin with

⸻

Final Chorus (slightly bigger, still gentle)
If it ruins me, I might let it
If it hurts like hell, I’ll just accept it
At least I won’t be left here guessing
What it was like to be wanted for a second

I could save myself, I could end this
But I don’t think I really want to
If I break, then at least I lived it
Even if it breaks me too

indie pop, light beat + emotional lyrics, sad but kinda freeing