MC: Alright, settle down, weirdness fans!
Tonight's brain-brawl spans time and lands!
From the future, delivered fresh and dim...
It's Philip J. FRY!
(Scattered confused claps)
And from the ring, with special... flair,
Eric Bischoff's nephew, beyond compare?
Give it up for EUGENE!
(Childlike "Eugene!" chant from himself)
Let the battle begin!
Fry (Verse 1):
Yo, check it, I'm from the year 3000, see?
Got spaceships and knowledge, way smarter than thee!
I hang with robots, aliens, Cyclops chicks,
You just hug wrestlers and do goofy kicks!
My brain's got... uh... future waves! Yeah, that's the stuff!
Compared to me, your smarts are just fluff!
Eugene (Verse 1):
Hehehe! My name is EUGENE! And you sound really dumb!
Got frozen like pizza? Your brain must be numb!
I won matches! Big ones! I got skills and fame!
You deliver packages? That sounds super lame!
Uncle Eric says I'm special, you just fell in goo!
Who's smarter? Not the delivery boy, that's who!
Fry (Verse 2):
Goo? That was cryo-sleep, you wrestling goof!
I saved the universe from, like, under a roof!
Fought giant brains! Travelled back in my past!
Your biggest challenge is making a silly face last!
I know about Bender! And Slurm! And Hypnotoad's gaze!
You probably think Monday Night Raw is life's smartest phase!
Eugene (Verse 2):
Raw IS smart! Lotsa action! And Uncle E!
You talk 'bout toads? That sounds crazy to me!
I can wrestle good! Point at the sign! Yeah! points
The crowd cheers for Eugene! For you? Disappoints!
I beat Triple H's friend! That takes real smarts!
You probably lost IQ points eating pop tarts!
Fry (Verse 3):
Pop Tarts are brain food! From the 20th century!
Look, I know things... like... astrophysics... eventually?
Maybe? Point is, I survived meteors and scams!
You survived... what? Getting hit with steel chairs and slams?
I'm clearly the genius, it's plain to see!
Smarter than you, Eugene... uh... definitely!
Eugene (Verse 3):
You make Eugene's head fuzzy! Too many big words!
Smarts is like... winning! Like free-flying birds!
I win! You drool! Case closed! Hehehe!
Now I wanna play! Wheeee! Smarter is ME!
(Suddenly, BENDER bursts through a wall!)
Bender: HEY! MEATBAG! Pipe down, you annoying disgrace!
Nobody insults Fry, my useless human pal, to his face!
Especially not some reject in cheap spandex tights!
I'm gonna bend you into scrap metal delights! Mess with Fry, you mess with me!
(Before Bender can grab Eugene, ERIC BISCHOFF power-walks onto the scene, pointing a finger.)
Bischoff: NOT SO FAST, you walking beer fridge! You got a problem here?
That's my nephew! Property of Bischoff! Am I clear?
You lay one rusty finger on him, and your scrap value tanks!
Now get lost before I sic security on your metal flanks! This show is MY show!
MC: Uh... Wow! Okay! Things just escalated from dumb to dangerous! We got robots, we got execs... who needs smarts when you've got chaos?! That's all the time we have!
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