Already gone

I wake up in a body I don’t recognize

Pulses in my chest like a bad alibi

The room feels cold even when it’s warm

Like I died once already and lived through the wrong

I talk to the ceiling, it listens better

Than the people who swore they’d never sever

I learned how to smile like a defense

Learned silence makes more sense

I keep all the damage under my skin

So no one sees what state I’m in

I’m not alive, I’m just not dead

Just counting days I never said I wanted

Love was venom, slow and deep

Now everything I touch just bleeds

If this is life, it’s hollowed out

I’m screaming but there’s no sound

I’m not alive

I’m just not dead

I watched my heart rot in real time

Still stayed, still crossed every line

I begged for truth, got used instead

Now every memory fucks with my head

I sleep with ghosts, I eat regret

I drown in words I never said

I learned pain don’t always scream

Sometimes it just stays and breathes

I carry the weight like I deserve it

Like this is what I get for hoping

I’m not alive, I’m just not dead

Just a shadow where I once stood instead

Love cut deeper than any blade

Left me numb in a broken shape

If this is life, it missed the mark

I’m wide awake inside the dark

I’m not alive

I’m just not dead

Maybe I’m empty by design

Maybe nothing was ever mine

I tried to heal, I tried to stay

But the damage learned my name

Numb feels safer than the truth

Feeling hurts more than the proof

So I stay hollow, I stay still

Like losing myself was a skill

I’m not alive, I’m worn thin

Every breath feels borrowed, not lived in

I gave my soul to feel less alone

Now I don’t feel anything at all

If this is life, let it pass me by

I’ve already said my goodbyes inside

I’m not alive

I’m just not dead

I don’t need saving

I just need it to stop hurting.