When I Look At You

When I look at you

I miss the outfit

But I catch the way you drag that leg

Like your pulling yesterday behind you

I see the way you lean on your left side

How your shoulder tilts

Just a little

How they fold in on themselves

Like their tired of holding back

The jacket hits the floor

My eyes don’t follow

I map the careful way you turn

Like every step’s a bargain

I don't see the color on your mouth

Just the way it trembles when you laugh

I notice what you hide

All the weight behind your eyes

Every wince you turn to light

Every hurt you wrap in style

I don't fall for what you show me

I fall for what survives

I don't see the same as most

I notice what you hide

And I swear I will still stay

When I see you that way

I miss the haircut every time

But I catch the way your hands shake

When you push your hair out of your face

Like you're stalling for one more breath

I notice when the tears start to gather

How you quickly change the subject

Everyone laughs in time

Your smile comes late

I’m counting all the punchlines

That don’t reach your face

I don't mark the shade of your skin

I trace the edges of each scar

The faded ink along your arm

Telling stories of who you were

I notice what you hide

All the weight behind your eyes

Every wince you turn to light

Every hurt you wrap in style

I don't fall for what you show me

I fall for what survives

I don't see the same as most

I notice what you hide

And I swear I will still stay

When I see you that way

I listen for the words you skip

The stories you start then let go quiet

The way you say "I'm fine" too quick

Like a door slammed on a riot

You ask “What do you notice?”

You’re fixing at your hairline

I answer with my silence

’cause the truth might feel unkind

I don’t see what you’re showing

I see what you’re surviving

Tired little flicker

Still somehow shining

I notice what you hide

All the weight behind your eyes

Every wince you turn to light

Every hurt you wrap in style

I don't fall for what you show me

I fall for what survives

I don't see the same as most

I notice what you hide

And I swear I will still stay

When I see you that way