A Ballad of Zero Respect

[Intro]

[Verse 1]  
In the piss-soaked gutters of Elpis where your backbone would cave  
I was laughing through starvation while you begged to be saved  
You soft-handed little nobles with your silk-wrapped lies  
I’ve seen tougher rotten corpses with more fight in their eyes  
You strut around like peacocks, all feathers, no bite  
I’ve taken shits with more resolve than your best in a fight  
Every coin I earned was pried from egos thick as your skull  
Which explains why you’re broke—there’s just fuck all to pull  

[Chorus]  
Oh sing of the Rude Bard, watch your dignity get wrecked  
He’ll call you what you are and leave your whole bloodline checked  
Toss your pride before him, it’s as weak as your wits  
For kings and gods and idiots—he’ll roast you to shit  

[Verse 2]  
I walked through cursed Eternis while you cried in your beds  
Your “great minds” couldn’t handle half the shit in my head  
You scholars write like wankers trying hard to sound deep  
I speak once and your whole worldview collapses in a heap  
Now I’m smoking cheap cigars while I ruin your name  
One line and your ancestors feel a secondhand shame  
You call yourselves enlightened—what a sad fucking joke  
You’re just cowards with a library and a fragile ego to stroke  

[Chorus]  
Oh sing of the Rude Bard, watch your dignity get wrecked  
He’ll call you what you are and leave your whole bloodline checked  
Toss your pride before him, it’s as weak as your wits  
For kings and gods and idiots—he’ll roast you to shit  

[Bridge]  
Pour another drink, you bastards, I ain’t nearly drunk enough  
To deal with all your faces and your bargain-bin bluff  
My lute’s got more soul than your entire family tree  
And I tuned it half-conscious while it pissed back at me  
I’ve smoked cigars more useful than your so-called divine right  
And I’ve pissed in holy chalices that put your gods to shame outright  
So cry, whine, scream—throw your pathetic little fit—  
I know you think I’m a Lymey git  
But I couldn’t give a shit  

[Verse 3]  
Now I wander through your kingdoms like a curse with a grin  
Every word I drop’s a dagger buried deep in your skin  
You dragons hoard your gold like it fixes your face  
But no treasure on this earth saves that personality disgrace  
With a bottle in my hand and a laugh full of spite  
I could end your whole religion in a single drunken night  
You built your worth on nothing—so I tear it apart  
Turns out even your shadows don’t want any part  

[Chorus]

[Outro]

Medieval lute ballad, rowdy tavern folk, male bard vocals, crude humor, violins, flutes, drums, lively tempo, epic finis