I’m tired of trying,
Always fucking lying.
Lying to myself,
Lying to the ones I love.
I think I know me best,
But here we are,
Never even got to get that far.
Trying so hard,
That’s what I tell myself.
Fucking up’s a reflect of myself.
Why can’t I be good??
Why can’t I stop??
This was supposed to be a one way shop.
It turned into addiction,
A common affliction.
Sad little addiction,
Pain turns to affliction
I need to fucking fix it,
Fix it.
What started as a blade,
Turning into rage.
Happening at such a young age.
Hurting myself or replacing it with “fun.”
At thirteen is when I held the first gun.
The truth is hard to tell.
Feelings are hard to expel.
But this is my story to tell, tell, tell.
I’m the one who fell, fell, fell.
I’m sorry I’m a monster.
Dancing with the devil started out as fun.
Dancing and laughing,
Until we saw the sun.
Dirty little secrets,
Fun for me to keep them.
Always fucking bleeding,
Always fucking leading to the criminal addiction.
Told I’m just “acting like a victim.”
Fuck the stupid system.
Told me I was wrong,
Never even got to sing my favorite song.
Lost everyone I loved,
All I wanted was to be around the drugs.
The alcohol became my liquid gold,
Ended up only turning me cold.
I was out of control.
My soul became sold.
Trauma and addiction,
Pain is affliction.
No matter the vice,
I admit to have them all.
Thinking that would solve.
Anything to escape the pain of my reality,
It eventually led to my own fatality.
What a fucking joke,
Anything I’d smoke,
It was cool to sit there having just a toke.
But innocent fun,
Caused me to stay on the run.
Coping with the party,
Always being tarty,
Acting out’s so naughty.
But when the party ends,
There are no more friends.
I became so lonely.
Distractions were gone,
I hit that bong.
Sad little addiction,
It always turns to affliction.
I need to fucking fix it,
Fix it.
I’m the fucking joke,
There’s nothing left to smoke.
The party always ended,
I’m not ready to be mended.
All this fucking trauma,
I’m always causing drama.
Pain turns to affliction.
Sad little addiction,
I need to fucking fix it,
Fix it.
My sad little story,
I’m sorry I’m not glory.
Sad little addiction,
Pain turns into affliction.
I need to fucking fix it,
Fix it.
KittieBby
