Catfish noodling

I have a fishing story, of an enormous fish that I thought I had hooked, took my bait and tugged on my line and had me shook. I’m a veteran, but I felt like a rook. I have proof, pictures and enough evidence to write a book I thought I was reeling up a big fish. Little did I know that I was noodleling surrounded by gators and lizards. In the struggle and battle it got ate up nothing left nothing, not one organ or a liver

What I’m about to say is based off of speculation, I know that you can’t offer an explanation. It’s been a year since you passed away. It’s so much I want say I got to say and in a way I’m still processing. I’ve never been so shocked and distraught in my entire life. We were just talking. I was trying to coordinate a rendezvous with you. We had so much that we needed to discuss. My heroism manifested curiosity, which turned into discoveries. A different scenario, you lived a different twisted life. So many times you said you had to crawl in a hole, to separate yourself from others, trying to save your soul. You said you needed me. But who are we really fooling? You had me reaching in that hole for a rescue mission, in retrospect, I was really noodeling.

I’m a big hippie, I was open and optimistic, you lied, you hid and omitted. For camouflage and cover you hid behind your guppies. What you did was cruel, played us all for a fool. You told me things weren’t working out with you and Maurice. You said he wasn’t treating you very nice, how He threw an ashtray at your face and you had to put him on ice. You told me how you found refuge in York

You told me how it was tough to find work, what you had to do was hard to fork

I knew I could help I didn’t wanna be a jerk

I didn’t tell you because you told me first. You said you kept thinking about me and it wasn’t just lust or thirst. You knew how high maintenance I was

We talked about the blue lagoon and how I thought she was his sister, but you corrected me and told me that they were Cuz’s

I was High maintenance and imperfect

Maybe I was just high on you and thought you were just perfect. We celebrated we cheered! We try to relate to each other‘s pain. We told each other what we feared and what brought tears.

It felt good knowing I made you happy

I know i’m a little old school. You didn’t mind, you said you like my mind and you said everything‘s cool.

I guess I wasn’t used to this new school

Catfishing and filtering playing me like a fool

What was up, was really down

I smoked that green you were on that white and brown. I was at home growing pounds while you ran around pound town

You were really probably stuck in traffic

My savior complex couldn’t save you from all the havoc.

Because you were caught up in bad habits

I never had my heart so shattered my brain so confused and battered

I don’t know if mental illness and addiction, go hand and hand, but baby girl you were sick.

I don’t know how much was really real or how much you were trying to be slick

I guess you can’t light a candle without a wick

I spoke words to you that were true

We talked like we were going to get together like glue. But you had a gorilla on the back of you. You told me I was your bright light. Stories you told your friends didn’t have me shine bright. Fuck your friend Lex! What she indicated had me perplexed. That’s what makes this so complex. She acted like she wanted to know how I felt, she didn’t see our fire and desire, I think she knew all about your smoke a silt. She responded rude, tried to sneak dis. I came at her with nothing but love and respect. Actually fuck that whole family, you told me your living arrangement was toxic and you weren’t happy.

Was it a game? Did you think I was lame? You said I made you question your morals but what about your shame? You Manufactured a lie, you forgot to mention that dude that guy. But why?

Catfish babies are protected by their fathers, because they live in muddy waters. They try to protect son and daughters. You were once up stream, ended up way down stream. Dwelled at the bottom and now your belly up and floated to the top.

You said you were in a bad mood because you couldn’t afford food, I reached into my pockets and I bought you food, to change your mood.(I kept lights on) I guess I kept casting, hoping, to catch that trophy fish. That’s what I hoped that’s what I wished. I set my lure too long. I wish you could interrupt me and tell me where I was wrong. (Shit) I didn’t intend to let my bait sink to the bottom. Bottom feeders live in the dark lured by the light. Is that how you found me? was I easy prey, easy bait? It was exciting when I thought I had you hooked. You took my bait. But you were already hooked on a different line. Yeah you chose that hotline and now you’re flat line! Abandon your bloodline!Did you catch that line!? I still use tissue, because I still miss you.(I really do) But why if it was a lie?