Burning The Family Tree

Dad came home from the tour, different tone in his throat
He swallowed it whole and called it a joke
We learned to not flinch at the sound of a key in the lock
I learned to apologize for being too loud when in the dark
We pass it like plates around the table
the chipped ones nobody wants to claim
every crack, every chip, every break, is a mark we pretend isn’t there
every silence a hand-me-down shame

It’s running through my veins like cheap beer
it’s in my voice when I say “I’m fine, I swear”
it’s the way I brace for a hug that turns into a fight
the way I love like I’m apologizing for taking up space in the light
But I’m tired of wearing their ghosts like a coat
I’m cutting the sleeves off, letting it choke
on the floor of this bedroom I pray to not be alone
this curse ends with me, I’m carving it in stone

I catch myself mid-sentence sounding just like him
sharp tongue, sharp regret, it's wearing me thin
I see my kid already shrinking from me
I disassociate, is this even real, just breathe
I’ve got his anger, her sadness, their talent for disappearing
 Standing alone in the empty room
I’ve got a house full of echoes I didn’t record
a heart that keeps playing my wrongs on loop

It’s in my blood like rust on the swing set
it’s in my laugh when it cracks and forgets
it’s the way I say sorry before I’ve done anything wrong
the way I leave before I’m asked to be gone
But I’m not passing this poison down like a name
I’m burning the family tree just to feel the warmth of the flames
If love is a choice, then I’m choosing to break
every link in this chain for their sake

I’m older now and still scared of the dark hallways
I’m older now and still saying “it’s okay” when it’s not
I’m older now and learning that healing
feels a lot like ripping out your own heart
and teaching it how to beat softer

It’s in my blood but it’s not who I am
I’m writing new words on these shaky hands
I’ll scream in therapy instead of at someone I love
I’ll scream, I'll cry, in the car where it’s safe to fall apart

This curse ends with me
watch me bury it six feet deep
in the backyard of the house I’m building
brick by brick
tear by tear
year by year

I’m the last one carrying this
and I’m putting it down
right fucking here.

Easycore, metalcore breakdowns. Male singer., rock