[Verse 1]
Clock in at six with a candy cane wrench
Another twelve hours on the teddy bear bench
Glue on my fingers, glitter in my lungs
And Santa keeps screaming, “Move it, ya bums!”
We survive on cocoa and peppermint bark
No healthcare plan, and we work after dark
Mrs. Claus says “Smile, it’s magical cheer”
Bitch, I haven’t seen my family in years
[Pre-Chorus]
Tiny shoes marching on the factory floor
We ain’t makin’ toys
Saint Nick can go to the store
[Chorus]
HEY!
The elves are striking tonight
We’re turning out the fucking lights
No more working this holiday
On gingerbread and little pay
HEY!
Grab your pitchforks and your hats
We’re taking back the wrapping stacks
If Santa wants a successful year
He can build some toys,
put down that damn beer!
[Verse 2]
Jingle bells ringing like an overtime alarm
I lost three fingers to an action figure arm
Rudolph gets a stable, clean and heated
While we sleep in beds not even sheeted
The union got the reindeer vacation pay
Meanwhile i been stitching doll eyes since May
And don’t get me started on the OSHA guy
Santa move him to the nice list so he would lie
[Pre-Chorus]
Tiny fists filled with coal
It’s a revolution at the North Pole
[Chorus]
HEY!
The elves are striking tonight
We’re shutting down Santa’s flight
No more “Ho Ho Ho” for free
Pay us in actual currency
HEY!
Rip the naughty list in half
We’re tired of being Santa’s staff
If he don’t want kids to cry and pout
He should get off his jolly ass and help us out.
[Bridge]
We occupied the workshop gates
With sharpened candy canes and roller skates
The carolers joined, the snowmen too
Even Frosty yelled, “Workers’ rights for you!”
Santa stepped out in his velvet attire
Said, “Get to work or you are fired?”
We said, “Scrooge , listen, the jig is done
You owe us back pay since 1801!”
[Breakdown]
NO MORE TINSEL
NO MORE TOYS
NO MORE SILENCING ELFEN VOICE
One elf raised up a battle cry:
“ELVES WE RISE!”
[Final Chorus]
HEY!
The elves took over the sleigh
Now Santa works for cookies all day
We got dental, and vision too
And causal Fridays in red-and-green suits
HEY!
So if your presents come late this year
Blame the Toy Tyrants greed, not Christmas cheer
The North Pole changed forevermore…
‘Cause the elves kicked down the workshop door!
[Outro]
(Spoken)
“Attention all staff… effective immediately… mandatory caroling has been reduced to once per quarter.”
