Poppyseed Bagel

**Poppyseed Bagel**

*(to the tune of a slow, proud toilet ballad – think sad trombone meets bathroom acoustics)*

(Verse 1)

I ate you for breakfast, oh poppyseed bagel

Toasted and schmear’d, lookin’ so stable

Little black dots like stars on your face

Didn’t know you’d launch me to deep space

(Chorus)

Ohhh poppyseed bagel, why you do me like that?

You promised a crunch, but you brought the *splat*

One hour later I’m prayin’ on porcelain

Poppyseed bagel, you’re my sin

(Verse 2)

They said “everything bagel” would be the real beast

But no, little poppy, you’re the yeast of the east

You slipped through the system, quiet and sly

Now it’s three flushes and I’m asking why

(Chorus)

Ohhh poppyseed bagel, you sneaky lil’ fiend

You went in so classy, came out so mean

Floatin’ like battleships, proud and severe

Poppyseed bagel… I’m shedding a tear

(Bridge – spoken, dramatic whisper)

I can still taste the sesame… but the poppies took over

They planted their flag in the porcelain clover

I trusted you, bagel. I really did.

Now the toilet’s my therapist… and it’s fully booked, kid.

(Final chorus – big finish)

Oh poppyseed bagel, you win, it’s okay

You turned brunch to terror in the cruelest way

Next time I’ll stick to plain… or maybe just toast

Poppyseed bagel… you’re the ghost with the most

(Fade out with gentle plop-plop-plop sound effects)

…never again… never again…

*(bows, exits stage left, toilet still gurgling in applause)*