Dear god, I really feel like these negative thoughts won’t ever stop
They’re racing through my head on a daily basis but on top
Of all my issues i try to push to the side that Ive got
Feels like I’m on autopilot with someone else is in the driver seat
I’m not
I’m In a constant battle with who I am & who I want to be
Just need to get outta my head so I can feel somewhat free
It may be hard to believe
that I don’t really laugh or smile
Haven’t really felt okay or even remotely sane in a while
I’d be like everyone else & live a simple life but thats not my style
Some days I wanna get in my car & drive for miles
I barely even have the motivation to get outta bed
In the morning my anxiety kicks in
thinking about something from the day before that I said
It’s a never ending cycle
Just wanna hop on my bicycle & ride the streets like I used to do with my boy Michael
I miss when adulthood was irrelevant
Maybe I should give myself fully to god & become celibate
I miss the good old days when I was hella lit
With Jake driving my dads boat on the lake
Drifting in the golf cart for fun
so many good memories we were able to make
Fast forward a decade
times have changed & got rearranged
No more doing dumb shit with Nick
picking up girls quick in the stang
Feels like a lifetime ago that day my phone rang
Nicks mother on the phone
I felt like I was gonna faint
Didn’t even know how to process the thought of him gone
So many canvases he had left to paint
Still can’t even fathom it as I’m writing this song
Maybe I should be a saint
I have so many demons & mental issues I go through
it feels like people ain’t
Ever gonna understand me
I’m Mr misunderstood
Fighting off the devil trying my hardest to be good
Still not as good as I wanna be
Or even know if I ever could
Become the best version of myself
Cause instead I walk around society wearing my hood
Always have my shades on too
I feel like everyone’s always staring at me like I’m some fool
But most people I’ve met
are a bunch of tools
I go hard at work while everyone else stands around
They might as well be sitting on a stool
The lack of hard work I see is depressing
So I try to keep to myself but my manager keeps messin
With my schedule all the time
God why are you always testin
Me every other month it feels like
but I ain’t been getting no restin
Every year it’s like another session where you’re
tryna teach me another lesson
Let me just live a life where I can be my best in
