I always mask of what’s important to me trying to be goofy while I’m suffering through my trauma. Nobody rarely helps me and once I do while only or just listening and just nodding, but they don’t physically help. They don’t mentally help but they are just by your side trying to listen.
Behind the mask, I’m feeling like I’m being bullied by my own thoughts like a darker side of myself
She hurts me with words that are barely true, but yet I feel like they aren’t really the truth
She bullies appearance every time I try to look good for myself. She mocks at my face, even though I tried to make of myself. She makes fun of my fucking actions like I’m trying to be fucking better for myself.
I always try to tell myself that I’m trying to be good better than my other self and I try not to be and she just looks at me. Pathetically hit me just laugh and just tells me I’m just being a baby. I am never good enough for anyone.
It’s always the simple actions that I’m trying to be happy but she’s always behind me. Bullying my action.
Why am I always suffering with love and abandonment and yet my fears are pushing onto it. I’m fearing that I’m going to lose every friend. I’m having while I’m suffering through this but yet they always seem like I’m getting the hang of myself but yet I’m barely hanging on. I’m barely hanging onto that rope of myself and she is desperately trying to let me survive, but at the same time, she is also letting go of that rope and watch me struggle on hangingonto to myself.
Why do I find someone attractive but yet they see my face and they think it’s not good enough for them I’m only good enough to be their friend only. I’m always suffering through my appearance and then improving over and over again that I do not look good for them only as a friend to them is proving my mental state more and more and she’s always there bullying my every fucking mistake. I’m always going through Finding love is just so difficult. I think I’m falling in love. No my thoughts my feelings are being fooled and played around like I’m some kind of fucking doll in the dollhouse.
I’m always being rubbed in the face of how my friends are just being happy with their relationships. Well, I’m just suffering with my trauma and everything from break ups from divorces everything I just want to fit in and find love but I can’t even do that for myself I can’t even love myself to be in a relationship. I just fake it out and try to survive through every single day of my mental health or my physical health I try to keep that smile on my face even through the mask, but I feel like I’ve was being forced by her fingers.
