I Wish I Knew How

You always smile first,

Even when you're falling apart.

You hide your hurt so well,

Even from the people who hold your heart.

And I didn’t see it coming,

Or maybe I just didn’t want to…

Because I thought if I loved you enough,

There was nothing we couldn’t get through.

But love isn’t armor.

Love isn’t air.

Love can’t undo the silence

The shadow that's always there.

And I wish I knew how to hold your pain,

To take it, break it, carry the shame.

I’d trade the sun to see you smile,

Even just for a little while.

But I can’t fix what’s not mine to heal.

And I hate how helpless that makes me feel.

So I’ll sit right here, and I’ll wait somehow—

And love you better,

If I ever learn how.

They say, “He’s getting help,”

Like that’s supposed to make it okay.

But I still hear your voice in my head,

Saying “Sorry,” when there’s nothing to say.

You didn’t do anything wrong.

You don’t need to be perfect.

But if I could rewrite your thoughts…

God, I could make it correct.

I can’t quiet the noise,

But I’ll be your calm.

You don’t have to be strong, love—

Just hold my palm.

And I wish I knew how to chase the dark,

To stop the storm before it starts.

I’d give up everything I know,

If it meant you wouldn’t feel so alone.

But I can’t fix what’s not mine to heal,

And it breaks me more than I can reveal.

So I’ll be here, and I’ll love you now—

And I’ll stay with you,

Even if I don’t know how.

Just… come home, my love.

I miss your laugh.

I miss your hold.

And I wish I knew how to make this right,

To turn the pain into something light.

But I’ll wait, and I’ll learn, and I’ll try—

For the boy who made me feel alive.

I’ll love you better,

I swear I’ll learn how.

Even if you break down