Fiver Years Old

(Intro – low, spoken)

This ain’t just anger.

This ain’t just depression.

This what happens when innocence gets buried…

Before it ever got to grow.

(Verse 1)

I got a mind like a war zone, heart like a cracked stone,

Smile on my face but inside I’m back home —

Back where the silence was louder than screams,

Back where the monsters ain’t live in my dreams.

Five years old, didn’t know what was real,

Didn’t know pain wasn’t normal to feel.

Manipulated, controlled like a pawn,

Told to be quiet, told “nothing is wrong.”

Now I’m grown but the child still trapped,

Rage in my chest like a match to a gas can.

BPD swings — I’m either numb or volcanic,

Love too hard, then I’m gone, then I panic.

Suicidal thoughts like a thief in the night,

Whispering lies when I’m losing the fight.

“End it,” it says, “you too broken to save.”

But I’m still here breathing — I didn’t cave.

(Hook)

For the five-year-old laid in the ground,

For the innocence never found,

For the child that never got loud —

I’m screaming now, I’m screaming now.

Depression don’t own my name,

Anger ain’t all my flame,

I’m fighting so he ain’t die in vain —

I’m breathing through the pain.

(Verse 2)

Aggression like armor, I sharpen my tone,

Push people away ‘fore they leave me alone.

Fear of abandonment tearing my chest,

Testing their love like it’s some kinda test.

Split black and white, no gray in between,

One minute you God, next minute you mean.

That’s borderline living — emotional storm,

Trying to feel safe in a world that deformed.

I hated myself for the damage inside,

For the anger, the chaos, the tears I would hide.

But trauma ain’t weakness, it rewires the brain,

Survival responses born outta pain.

And that little boy — he deserved to grow,

Deserved protection, deserved to know

That what happened wasn’t his shame,

The blame ain’t his — say it plain.

(Bridge – softer)

If you carrying ghosts from a childhood stolen,

If your heart feel shattered and swollen,

If you standing on edges nobody can see —

Stay.

Stay for the child you used to be.

(Verse 3)

I used to fantasize ‘bout fading away,

Tired of reliving the past every day.

But healing whispered, “What if you live?

What if surviving the loudest revenge you could give?”

So I’m in therapy breaking the chains,

Learning my triggers, unlearning the shame.

Crying for versions of me that were hurt,

Digging through trauma, getting to the root dirt.

Now my anger got purpose, it’s not just a fire,

It’s fuel to protect, to speak up, aspire.

To tell every survivor: you not what they did,

You not the secret they forced as a kid.

Five years old, laid down to rest

But I carry his heartbeat inside my chest.

And every day that I choose to fight,

I give that child a little more light.

(Final Hook – stronger)

For the five-year-old laid in the ground,

For the silence breaking its sound,

For every survivor unbound

We rising now, we rising now.

Depression don’t get the last word,

Suicidal lies get blurred,

We living loud for the unheard

Your pain is seen we hear.