Abandon you

I keep waiting for the bottom

Like the bottom’s gonna choose

Like something has to break me

Before I’m allowed to lose

I’ve watched the line keep moving

Every time you cross it again

What used to be unthinkable

Is just where we live now instead

I tell myself, “One more time”

Like one more time is something new

But every time I stay to save us

I disappear a little too

Maybe you’ll change

Maybe you’ll see

Maybe tomorrow

You’ll finally choose me

God, I’ve lived on “maybe”

Like maybe could make it true

And I keep abandoning myself

Trying not to abandon you

I abandon myself

Trying not to abandon you

I betray what I know

To believe what I want to be true

I keep moving my boundaries

To make room for what you do

I abandon myself

Trying not to abandon you

And maybe rock bottom

Isn’t somewhere we fall to

Maybe rock bottom is realizing

I lost myself loving you

I can make a home from breadcrumbs

Make excuses sound like truth

I can forgive before you’re sorry

That’s what loving you taught me to do

But love shouldn’t need a witness

To prove how much it hurts

And staying isn’t loyalty

When I’m the one I desert

Maybe you’ll change

Maybe you’ll see

Maybe tomorrow

You’ll finally choose me

But how many tomorrows

Am I supposed to give to you

While I keep abandoning myself

Trying not to abandon you?

What if the bottom never comes?

What if it’s always one floor down?

What if I keep calling it love

While the whole damn thing burns down?

What if the person I’ve been waiting

All these years to finally choose me

Was never you?

What if it was me?

I kept choosing you

Over me

You over every voice inside

That begged me not to leave

And somehow I called that loyalty

Somehow I called that love

But I don’t have to hit the bottom

To decide I’ve had enough

Maybe rock bottom

Was never mine to fall through