RAP BATTLES OF WHATEVER!
AL BUNDY!
VERSUS!
JACK MALLOY! (And Mr. Floppy!)
BEGIN!
(Al Bundy - Verse 1)
Alright, legend commence
Four touchdowns, Polk High, no bench!
Unlike you, Malloy, talkin' to fluff
I'm sellin' footwear, life's rough!
You sling lemons with mileage too high
Got divorced, wife couldn't stand your lie!
Got Peg, Bud, Kelly upstairs
My family's at least actually there!
You preach from a sofa with that thing on your hand?
The saddest darn sight in this sorry land!
(Jack Malloy - Verse 1)
Jack: Four touchdowns? Heard it again
Back when your hairline still had men!
Look at you, Bundy, picture of bleak
Smellin' faintly of feet all week!
Selling heels to heifers at your store…
Floppy: Yeah, ones Peg sends 'cause she needs more!
Jack: My life ain't perfect, issues true…
Floppy: But compared to this fossil? We're new! King of losers, sultan of sighs! Pray Peg stays cheap tonight!
(Al Bundy - Verse 2)
That's an insult? Cotton-brained dope!
Your best friend's a puppet you use just to cope!
Lost your wife, Jennie fled, can't blame her
Who wants a spouse coached by felt Kramer?
Your daughter makes Kelly look practically prim!
Tiffany's thoughts? Dial-up connection dim!
And Ryan? Needs meds and protection!
My kids are morons, Bundy stock!
Yours look like why you started to talk... to that sock!
(Jack Malloy - Verse 2)
Floppy: Sock puppet! Nice one, Polk High buffoon!
Jack: Your wife's appetite rivals a monsoon!
Spends every dollar you manage to make…
Floppy: On bon-bons and TV, for Pete's sake! Kelly’s the town bike seat! Bud’s got less game than your feet! NO MA'AM's cause you couldn't score! Idiots fueled by cheap beer's roar!
Jack: You sit in squalor, complaining all day…
Floppy: While your family wants you away! Dysfunctional, bunny and man… miles ahead of the Bundy clan!
(Al Bundy - Verse 3)
Clan? Please, I'm an icon, legend of grit!
Surviving the hellscape where losers sit!
You're a footnote, Malloy, a forgotten bad dream
With a psycho puppet in your scheme!
You sell broken-down heaps, barely make rent
I wear the crown of suburban discontent!
No used cars, no therapy hour
This is pure Bundy power, sour!
Four touchdowns, remember! Glory and might!
Get your felt partner outta sight!
Sock it, Jack, the battle is done!
Against Al Bundy? Nobody's won! LET'S ROCK!
(Jack Malloy - Verse 3)
Jack: Icon? You're the blueprint, sad-sack supreme
Why sitcom dads wake up and scream!
Trapped in that house, on that couch, it's your fate
Enshrined in a low-budget state!
Selling shoes your peak? Depressingly low…
Floppy: My lint trap has more status quo! Didn't win, Al, just failed less today! Failure's your brand, the Bundy way! Live in the past, your present's a pit! This battle's over, now admit...
Jack: It’s done. You’re a relic…
Floppy: And Floppy says QUIT! Tell Peg her budget took a hit! You LOST, baldy! Hop off!
WHO WON? WHO'S NEXT? YOU DECIDE!
kriegerdemon666
