Alone with My Tent (And a Bear Named Steve)

Cracklin’ fire, lonely tree,

I brought one marshmallow — just for me.

Moon’s too bright, bugs in flight,

Pretty sure I saw a squirrel fight.

Set up my tent near a haunted stump,

Tripped on a root and fell on my rump.

Read the map upside down all day,

Now my compass ran off — I think it’s gay?

I'm alone with my tent, and a bear named Steve,

He stole my snacks, but I asked him to leave.

The owls won't shut up, they mock my screams,

This ain't glamping — it's camping with broken dreams!

Got bit by a bug, then I named it Frank,

He lives on my toe now, we have a bank.

Wrote a will in pine needles, just in case,

If I die, tell my mom I fought with grace.

Every twig snap’s got me doing a spin,

Heard a raccoon cough — I let him win.

I'm alone with my tent, and a bear named Steve,

He's flossin’ with my socks, won’t ever leave.

He growls in C, I scream in D,

Nature’s brutal — but it’s still therapy!

(Whispered)

I made eye contact with a moose last night...

It judged me.

Savagely.

I’m alone with my tent, and Steve brought friends,

Now I’m DJing for raccoons in forest trends.

Taught a squirrel to moonwalk, it’s all surreal,

Next time I’m staying home — with a Happy Meal!

Alone... with my tent...

Just me... and Steve...

And a possum... named Claire.

BOOM.