[Intro – Spoken]
They say it’s in the past.
Funny how the past still wakes me up first.
Before the light.
Before my name.
[Verse 1 – Female / Dark Alto]
I don’t raise my voice, I sharpen it instead
Silence taught me power, not everything is said
Learned how to disappear inside a crowded space
Fold myself smaller just to feel safe
I don’t call it trauma, I call it design
Every instinct fire forged, every boundary mine
You say I’m cold but I learned restraint
Soft got punished, so I educated pain
I read intentions faster than you read my face
I don’t open doors wide, I let ’em crack in place
If I look calm, you don’t know the fee
That composure’s built from anxiety
[Pre-Chorus]
I keep my pain organized
Labeled, stacked, and sterilized
If I control it, it won’t control me
That’s the deal my fear sold me
[Chorus]
I wake up tired of surviving
Still breathing, but I’m not thriving
If this is life why’s it violent
Even quiet nights sound like sirens
I don’t heal, I just delay it
Stay moving so I don’t unpack it
Trauma talks, I stay compliant
Still here… but not defiant
[Verse 2 – Fast Rap ]
I don’t trust peace, it feels staged
Silence makes my heartbeat race
Love feels sharp, like something primed
I flinch at touch, I freeze at kind
You say I’m strong, that’s convenient
You didn’t pay the price to be it
Calm is costly, fear’s expensive
Strength wasn’t built, it was defensive
[Extended Fast Rap]
I don’t rest, I rehearse every worst-case motion
Run scenarios till panic sounds like devotion
Archive pain, label later, call it control
Survival’s just living with half a soul
Every smile feels rented, calm feels conditional
Healing looks pretty when damage is invisible
I don’t collapse, I fracture strategic
Functioning’s control but it bleeds if you squeeze it
[Bridge – Low]
I don’t want memories erased
I want them quiet
I don’t want closure
I want it to stop choosing me
[Final Chorus]
I wake up still negotiating
With a mind that keeps escalating
I’m not cured, I’m concentrated
Every breath feels calculated
Still alive, don’t celebrate it
I exist… I don’t escape it
[Outro – Spoken]
They ask if I’m okay.
I say, “I’m functioning.”
That’s the closest word I’ve got.
MilliMiu28
