Loser

Loser (I Almost Believed You)”

You never said it loud, you didn’t have to

The way you looked past me said more than “I love you” ever could

I was the girl with the too-big dreams

You smiled like they were cute, like they didn’t mean anything

I kept rewriting myself to fit in your silence

Hoping one day you’d notice, hoping you’d try it

I measured my worth in the texts you never sent

Every “maybe someday” was money I spent

You called me a loser without using the word

Just a half-hearted shrug and a laugh that I heard

For years in my head like a broken record

I almost believed you, I almost surrendered

But look at me now, breathing out loud

Doing the things you said I’d never figure out

I’m not where you are, but I’m finally somewhere

And the funniest part is I still wish you cared

I see you sometimes in the grocery store lights

You’re with someone new and you’re doing alright

I smile too big, pretend I don’t feel the sting

You ask how I’ve been like it’s some casual thing

I say I’ve been good, I’ve been writing, been free

You nod like you knew I’d turn out to be me

I still check my phone for a name that won’t show

Some habits die harder than people, I know

You called me a loser in the spaces between

Every “you’re sweet, but” and “know what I mean?”

I wore that quiet no like a second skin

Turned it to armor and started again

Look at me now, still a little undone

But the girl you looked through is out there becoming someone

I’m proud of her scars, even the ones shaped like you

And the worst part is I’d still drop everything if you asked me to

I don’t want you back, I just want to stop wondering

If you ever think of me, if you ever feel something

I’m healing in public, still bleeding in private

Loving myself is the hardest I’ve tried yet

You called me a loser, I heard it so clear

In every almost and every “not this year”

I’m not all the way fixed, but I’m farther than yesterday

Learning my name doesn’t need you to say it

Look at me now, still scared, still trying

Still crying sometimes, but at least I’m not lying

I’m not your winner, I’m not your proof

I’m just a girl who finally learned her own truth

Loser…

I almost believed you.

Thank God I didn’t.