Washed up

Everyone claims they’re the best…

I just don’t wanna mentally be a mess.

Everybody says they’re number one

I’m just tryna feel okay when the day is done

Top 25 and I should be higher

But I’d rather be sane than admired

I’ve been dropping “trash” since the start

Just talking ‘bout my spinning heart

Heart on my sleeve, nobody stares

Take a moment — look at what’s there

I’ve grown. I’ve learned.

My message hard to discern

I win and then I relapse

Lose again — yeah those are the tracks

I haven’t asked fear for a rematch

I haven’t opened up my scriptures like that

Devil and doubt in the front seat

Gripping the wheel while I sit back

Do I have the will

To grab the wheel

Turn this car around

Before it crashes for real?

Or am I too tired

To keep writing these tracks

Calling them pitiful

But still coming back?

Will any of this last?

Am I worth it?

Do I deserve it?

All my listeners I wanna inspire

But what if the fire’s just a small spark flicker?

What if I peak and fade away

Before I ever get bigger?

I don’t want fame if it costs my peace

I don’t want praise if it steals my sleep

But silence makes me question everything

And that insecurity runs deep

I win one round, then I lose two

Confidence gone by the afternoon

I say I’m fine but that ain’t true

Some nights I don’t know what to do

I don’t need a crown

I just need control

I don’t need the spotlight

I just need my soul

If I lose the numbers

But keep my mind

Maybe that’s the win

I’m supposed to find

Do I have the will

To fight back

To grab the wheel

And stay on track?

I’m not the best

But I’m still here

Still writing songs

Still facing fear

Will any of this last?

Am I worth it?

Do I deserve it?

…Maybe the fact I’m asking

Means I’m not done yet.