Heaven or Hell

Intro

Heart beating like incoming rounds

Mind split, no neutral ground

Two voices, one soul to sell

They asking me Heaven or Hell

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Verse 1 – Me

I came home with sand in my veins

Gun smoke memories, permanent stains

Nightmares loud, daytime numb

Smile for the world, inside I’m done

They see a man, they don’t see war

Still kicking doors I ain’t in anymore

Pain pills first, just to sleep

Doctor said trust him, trust came cheap

One turned two, two turned chains

Now I’m chasing silence through the rain

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Hook

Heaven or Hell, who gets my breath

Who writes my name at the time of death

I’m standing in the middle, torn to pieces

Both sides talking, neither quiet

Heaven or Hell, blood or grace

Demons know my government name

Angels whisper, devil yells

Every step feels Heaven or Hell

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Verse 2 – Devil

Look at you, broken, tired, sick

They used you up, gave medals quick

Where was God when the blast went off

When your brothers died and the prayers fell soft

I give relief, I give peace

I make the screaming finally cease

One hit and the shaking’s gone

I don’t judge you, I understand pain, son

They call me evil, but I keep it real

I don’t promise healing, I promise feel

Why fight it? You already bled

Come sit with me, let go instead

God (response, layered)

Relief ain’t peace, it’s borrowed time

Every promise he makes is a loaded line

He numbs the wound, then rots the core

I didn’t leave you on that floor

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Verse 3 – God

I saw the sand, I felt the fear

I was there when death came near

I held you up when you didn’t see

Every breath you stole was mercy

They broke your body, bent your trust

But pain don’t get the final cut

You think strength means never bend

Sometimes strength is not the end

You’re not weak for wanting rest

You’re human, carrying too much weight in your chest

I don’t shout, I don’t force

I wait with patience, not remorse

Devil (response, layered)

Funny how quiet you get when he’s sick

When withdrawal’s tearing him limb from limb

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Verse 4 – Me

Both of you talking like I’m not here

Like I ain’t the one living every fear

I know his lies, I know your grace

I’ve worn both looks on my face

I’ve prayed shaking on bathroom floors

I’ve sinned just trying to make it through doors

I don’t want numb, I don’t want dead

I want the war out of my head

PTSD don’t take sides

Depression don’t care who’s right

I’m tired of fighting just to exist

Tired of choosing between fists and mist

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Hook

Heaven or Hell, pressure on my spine

Every second asking me to decide

Devil pulls hard, God stands still

Both know the cost of my free will

Heaven or Hell, scars decide

Which voice sounds more like suicide

I’m still breathing, so I guess I choose

But choosing don’t mean I don’t lose

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Verse 5 – Devil

You think hope heals bullet holes?

You think faith fills empty souls?

Look at the world, it’s rot and greed

I just give you what you need

One more night without the pain

One more moment not insane

You can quit tomorrow, I won’t rush

Just don’t let him guilt