Heaven or Hell

Intro
Heart beating like incoming rounds
Mind split, no neutral ground
Two voices, one soul to sell
They asking me Heaven or Hell

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Verse 1 – Me
I came home with sand in my veins
Gun smoke memories, permanent stains
Nightmares loud, daytime numb
Smile for the world, inside I’m done
They see a man, they don’t see war
Still kicking doors I ain’t in anymore

Pain pills first, just to sleep
Doctor said trust him, trust came cheap
One turned two, two turned chains
Now I’m chasing silence through the rain

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Hook
Heaven or Hell, who gets my breath
Who writes my name at the time of death
I’m standing in the middle, torn to pieces
Both sides talking, neither quiet

Heaven or Hell, blood or grace
Demons know my government name
Angels whisper, devil yells
Every step feels Heaven or Hell

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Verse 2 – Devil
Look at you, broken, tired, sick
They used you up, gave medals quick
Where was God when the blast went off
When your brothers died and the prayers fell soft

I give relief, I give peace
I make the screaming finally cease
One hit and the shaking’s gone
I don’t judge you, I understand pain, son

They call me evil, but I keep it real
I don’t promise healing, I promise feel
Why fight it? You already bled
Come sit with me, let go instead

God (response, layered)
Relief ain’t peace, it’s borrowed time
Every promise he makes is a loaded line
He numbs the wound, then rots the core
I didn’t leave you on that floor

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Verse 3 – God
I saw the sand, I felt the fear
I was there when death came near
I held you up when you didn’t see
Every breath you stole was mercy

They broke your body, bent your trust
But pain don’t get the final cut
You think strength means never bend
Sometimes strength is not the end

You’re not weak for wanting rest
You’re human, carrying too much weight in your chest
I don’t shout, I don’t force
I wait with patience, not remorse

Devil (response, layered)
Funny how quiet you get when he’s sick
When withdrawal’s tearing him limb from limb

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Verse 4 – Me
Both of you talking like I’m not here
Like I ain’t the one living every fear
I know his lies, I know your grace
I’ve worn both looks on my face

I’ve prayed shaking on bathroom floors
I’ve sinned just trying to make it through doors
I don’t want numb, I don’t want dead
I want the war out of my head

PTSD don’t take sides
Depression don’t care who’s right
I’m tired of fighting just to exist
Tired of choosing between fists and mist

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Hook
Heaven or Hell, pressure on my spine
Every second asking me to decide
Devil pulls hard, God stands still
Both know the cost of my free will

Heaven or Hell, scars decide
Which voice sounds more like suicide
I’m still breathing, so I guess I choose
But choosing don’t mean I don’t lose

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Verse 5 – Devil
You think hope heals bullet holes?
You think faith fills empty souls?
Look at the world, it’s rot and greed
I just give you what you need

One more night without the pain
One more moment not insane
You can quit tomorrow, I won’t rush
Just don’t let him guilt

grimy, basement-echo, street confession rap aggressive rap emotional street rap anthem type street rap white boy rap