Blueprints extended

I come from a house full of complicated weather,

sun in the morning, storms stitched together.

Learned how to read a room before I learned to rest,

learned how to hold my breath before I learned to confess.

I watched two hearts move through a thousand seasons,

saw love wear armor and call it a reason.

Saw pride sit heavy at the middle of the table,

saw silence say more than the words were able.

So when I move cautious, when I ask too much,

when I pull back first just to feel less touched,

it’s not ’cause I don’t want it, it’s ’cause I know my mind,

and I know how I can turn a good thing hard to find.

I can be too quiet, I can be too loud,

too quick to doubt what I should be proud of now.

I can make a small pause feel like a warning sign,

then blame the whole world for what’s happening inside.

And that’s the part I had to learn to name:

sometimes love is love, and sometimes it’s the shape of pain.

I got these blueprints I never asked for,

lines on the walls from the lives before.

But I’m building something they never knew,

a different kind of love with a different view.

I’m not my fear, I’m not my doubt,

I’m not every version I talked myself out.

I’m learning the difference between holding on

and holding myself when somebody’s gone.

Yeah, I got a habit of reading between the lines,

’cause I know how a half-truth sounds when it rhymes.

Got a heart that wants forever but a mind that keeps receipts,

too good at turning peace into a mystery.

I’m romantic with a little self-sabotage,

a hopeless dreamer with a lawyer’s cross-exam mind.

I’ll give you my all, then question my worth,

like I gotta earn every inch of my own earth.

I’m not hard to love, I’m hard on myself,

big difference when you’ve been your own worst help.

I’m still soft, don’t get it twisted,

I just stopped pretending I don’t notice when it isn’t returned.

I’ve been the fixer, the overthinker, the one who forgives,

the one asking questions like, “Is this how love lives?”

I’ve chased reassurance and called it intuition,

tried to shrink my needs just to keep the connection.

Sometimes I stay too long because leaving feels like failure,

sometimes I go cold just to feel a little safer.

Sometimes I want tenderness and turn it into a test,

like if you really want me, you’ll know me at my mess.

But I’m learning love isn’t proving I’m worthy,

it’s somebody seeing me without making me hurry.

Not a rescue, not a war, not a role I complete,

just two people being honest, no one keeping score.

So let me rewrite what I thought I had to be,

not perfect, not easy, just real and accountable to me.

Got some old habits knocking, but I changed the locks,

got some old fears talking, but I turned down the box.

I’m the girl with the cracks and the nerve to name them,

the messy masterpiece learning how to claim it.

I’m not a victim, I’m a participant,

in every pattern, every pause, every consequence. I got these blueprints I never asked for,

but I’m not living like a copy of the past no more.

I’m building something honest…something solid, something true,

something that can hold my flaws and something that can still hold you.

Yeah…

I’m not breaking the cycle just to prove them wrong,

I’m learning how to love without disappearing in the song.

I’m building a life where I can finally belong

And yeah I got these blueprints I never asked for,

but I’m not living like a copy of the past no more!