(Verse 1)
I’m a professional at the "How ya been?"
Passing off a rot like it’s a second skin
I’ve got a master's degree in the art of the flinch
And I’m losing my mind, inch by miserable inch.
I was a fisherman once, out on the cold Atlantic blue
Where the water didn't care if what I said was true
But the ocean got small and the debt got deep
And I’ve got promises that I’m far too tired to keep.
(Chorus)
And it’s a long way down from the pedestal they built
I’m drowning in the drywall and the heavy coat of guilt
I’m a father, I’m a failure, I’m a ghost in a work shirt
Trying to find a patch of ground that doesn’t fucking hurt.
The doom is at the window, and it’s howling for my name
Every day I wake up, and I’m losing at the game
Just a fake-smile man with a hole in his chest
Waiting for the dark to come and do the rest.
(Verse 2)
The kids think I’m working, they think I’m at the shop
But I’m parked behind the grocery store waiting for the clock to stop
I’ve lied to my mother, I’ve lied to my best friend
I’ve got a list of "I’ll pay you back" that never has an end.
The depression isn’t a cloud, it’s a permanent state
It’s the anchor on the line, it’s the lead on the plate
I used to pull the cod, now I just pull the wool
Over everybody’s eyes until the room is full.
(Bridge)
(Strumming intensifies)
And I’m scared of the mirror, and I’m scared of the light
I’m scared that my daughter’s gonna grow up to be right
About the man that I am and the man that I wasn’t
I’m a hollowed-out tree in a field full of cousins.
I’m losing it, I’m losing it, it’s slipping through my grip
I’m the captain of a vessel that was built to flip.
(Outro)
The tide’s going out, and it’s taking the shore
I don’t think I can be who I was anymore.
Just a fisherman’s son with no fish in the net
And a lifetime of things I haven't told ‘em yet.
(Quietly)
Yeah, I haven't told ‘em yet.
I’m just faking the smile... till the sun goes west.
