“Walmart Ass Attack”

(Verse 1)

Strolled in Walmart, shorts too tight,

See a fine lookin’ mama, damn she’s a sight.

But I got a problem, can’t ignore,

That itchin’ between my cheeks needs a hardcore tour.

(Chorus)

Pickin’ and scratchin’ my ass at Walmart,

Finger deep, breakin’ folks’ hearts.

Kids screamin’, old man yellin’ too,

But damn it feels good, what a view!

Yeah, pickin’ and scratchin’ my ass at Walmart,

Droppin’ farts, flappin’ cheeks, country art.

(Verse 2)

A granny gave me the stink-eye, I just laughed,

Her walker shook while I was mid-graft.

Knocked over a display of beef jerky packs,

But I kept on diggin’ my own damn cracks.

(Chorus)

Pickin’ and scratchin’ my ass at Walmart,

Finger deep, breakin’ folks’ hearts.

Kids screamin’, old man yellin’ too,

But damn it feels good, what a view!

Yeah, pickin’ and scratchin’ my ass at Walmart,

Droppin’ farts, flappin’ cheeks, country art.

(Bridge)

Some dude shouted, “Hey, you sick freak!”

I just winked, let a little squeak.

The candy aisle smelled like a biohazard zone,

But hell, it’s my ass, my throne, my own!

(Chorus/Outro)

Pickin’ and scratchin’ my ass at Walmart,

Finger deep, breakin’ folks’ hearts.

Shittin’ my pants? Nah, just lettin’ it rip,

Cheeks clappin’, droppin’ snacks from my grip.

Yeah, pickin’ and scratchin’ my ass at Walmart,

Full-on chaos, true country art.