[Intro-spoken]
Yeah…
Funny how silence gets louder when you stop running.
[Verse 1]
I grew up where love was conditional,
Mama picked men over me, I made it habitual.
Thin walls, loud nights, learned how to disappear,
Learned early how to swallow fear.
Stepdad’s hands heavy, swung til they collide,
I flinched before the swing just to feel alive.
Never knew my father, just a last name,
Met him at his funeral, shit felt the same.
Nobody there knew who I was supposed to be,
Just a stranger with his eyes staring back at me.
Shook hands with ghosts, stood there numb,
Thinking, "damn… fuck my mom!".
[Pre-Chorus]
So I ran from myself every night I could,
Tried to drown the pain like I thought I should.
If I stayed moving, I didn’t have to feel,
If I stayed drunk, nothing felt real.
[Chorus]
I ain’t proud of the shit that I done,
All the hearts I broke, all the nights I ran.
I was chasing a high just to feel like a man,
Now I’m learning to stand without folding again.
I don’t want forgiveness, I don’t want applause,
Just peace in my chest and no blood on my thoughts.
I ain’t trying to be perfect or saved by the truth
I’m just trying to be the man I never knew.
[Verse 2]
Too many beds, too many lies,
Too many mornings hating my eyes.
Good women crying while I swore I’d change,
Loved them deep but I loved escape.
Cheated on trust ‘cause it cheated me first,
Told myself pain was just part of the curse.
Bottle half gone, heart damn near dead,
Every kiss just something to quiet my head.
Divorce papers folded in the glove compartment,
Life slowed down, made me face the damage.
Only thing I never fucked up was my kid
She’s the reason I’m still standing like this.
[Pre-Chorus 2]
My new girl looks at me like she sees the man,
Not the mess, not the past, not the shit I ran.
She don’t rush my healing, don’t shame my scars,
Just sits in the quiet and lets me talk.
[CHORUS REPEATED]
[Bridge -Slower, raw]
I don’t need a halo, don’t need to be clean,
Just want to look in the mirror, not see a fiend.
I ain’t doing this for love or a second chance,
I’m tired of the war in my hands.
I was raised by survival, not guidance or grace,
So I’m building myself from the cracks in my face.
Breaking cycles ain’t pretty, it hurts like hell,
But I’m done being an echo of someone else.
Verse 3
Double decades heavy on my spine,
Learning how to be gentle without losing my mind.
Still fuck up, still learning the lines,
But I tell the truth now even when it costs me time.
Drink less, listen more, stay when it’s hard,
Don’t run when the past tries pulling my arm.
Demons still knock late some nights,
But I don’t let them move in, I learned to fight.
[FINAL CHORUS REPEATED]
[Outro-SPOKEN]
Yeah…
Healing ain’t loud.
It’s staying.
MusicalMadame
