Is Joe Seeious!?

Verse 1 – Curious tone, suspicious banjo riff]

Hey Joe, you texted me today

Said you wanna do a little gun swap trade

You got an AR fifteen, five-five-six

Said it's smooth, said it's clean, said it "really hits"

But now I’m sittin’ here with my 9mm

Masterpiece Arms, yeah she’s a keeper

So before I swap and say let’s go…

I got some questions, is this gun real, Joe?

Is it real, Joe? Does it shoot straight?

Or is it one of them you found in a milk crate?

What’s the value? Did you check Blue Book?

Or did you base it off a YouTube look?

How many rounds did you run through that thing?

Did you clean it? Did it jam? Did it ever go ping?

And be honest — is it stock or pieced with glue?

'Cause you once sold me a lawn chair that broke in two

You say it’s “rounded” — what does that mean?

Is it just missing edges, or is it pristine?

Is it a PSA? A Daniel Defense?

Or a garage build special that barely makes sense?

Is the lower legit or a mystery part?

Is the upper just vibes from a flea market cart?

Did the optic come from a Halo set?

And is the mag fully loaded or emotionally wet?

Is it real, Joe? I gotta know now

‘Cause this feels more Craigslist than Pow-Pow

I just want truth, not cousin-to-cousin

Not some back porch Frankenstein muzzle buzzin’

I ain’t tryin’ to hustle, I just wanna be square

So if it’s a “deal,” make it actually fair

You say “She’s a beast,” but what’s her birth year?

Was she built during COVID or during Britney’s first career?

I love you, man…

But I still remember the time you traded me “night vision” goggles…

That were just two flashlights duct taped to a headband.

So is it real, Joe? Can I get a receipt?

Or at least a selfie of the rifle and some feet?

What’s the value? Can I Google that first?

'Cause if this goes south, I’ll be legally cursed

Just send a list, a photo, a test

Or bring it by the house, we’ll put it through the rest

I ain’t sayin’ no — just sayin’ be true

If we’re swappin’ heat… I ain’t gettin’ burned by you

So Joe… text me back

Before I Google “gun trade red flags”

And if you’re serious — then I’m in

But this better not be your old BB gun again…