Verse 1 – Curious tone, suspicious banjo riff]
Hey Joe, you texted me today
Said you wanna do a little gun swap trade
You got an AR fifteen, five-five-six
Said it's smooth, said it's clean, said it "really hits"
But now I’m sittin’ here with my 9mm
Masterpiece Arms, yeah she’s a keeper
So before I swap and say let’s go…
I got some questions, is this gun real, Joe?
[Chorus – Big & dumb like a musical investigation]
Is it real, Joe? Does it shoot straight?
Or is it one of them you found in a milk crate?
What’s the value? Did you check Blue Book?
Or did you base it off a YouTube look?
How many rounds did you run through that thing?
Did you clean it? Did it jam? Did it ever go ping?
And be honest — is it stock or pieced with glue?
'Cause you once sold me a lawn chair that broke in two
[Verse 2 – Faster, more ridiculous]
You say it’s “rounded” — what does that mean?
Is it just missing edges, or is it pristine?
Is it a PSA? A Daniel Defense?
Or a garage build special that barely makes sense?
Is the lower legit or a mystery part?
Is the upper just vibes from a flea market cart?
Did the optic come from a Halo set?
And is the mag fully loaded or emotionally wet?
[Chorus – Repeat with more drama]
Is it real, Joe? I gotta know now
‘Cause this feels more Craigslist than Pow-Pow
I just want truth, not cousin-to-cousin
Not some back porch Frankenstein muzzle buzzin’
I ain’t tryin’ to hustle, I just wanna be square
So if it’s a “deal,” make it actually fair
You say “She’s a beast,” but what’s her birth year?
Was she built during COVID or during Britney’s first career?
[Bridge – Spoken, over acoustic guitar]
I love you, man…
But I still remember the time you traded me “night vision” goggles…
That were just two flashlights duct taped to a headband.
[Final Chorus – Full-blown ridiculous harmony]
So is it real, Joe? Can I get a receipt?
Or at least a selfie of the rifle and some feet?
What’s the value? Can I Google that first?
'Cause if this goes south, I’ll be legally cursed
Just send a list, a photo, a test
Or bring it by the house, we’ll put it through the rest
I ain’t sayin’ no — just sayin’ be true
If we’re swappin’ heat… I ain’t gettin’ burned by you
[Outro – Soft & dramatic like a fake Oscar song]
So Joe… text me back
Before I Google “gun trade red flags”
And if you’re serious — then I’m in
But this better not be your old BB gun again…