God, is this You

Title: “God, Is This You?”

Is this You, God?

Or just the echo of my pain?

I keep asking…

But You feel so far away

I thought this was Your way to reach me

Through the hurt, through the shame

I let the pain preach to me

Like it was holy in Your name

I said, “Maybe I deserve this”

Maybe this is how You cleanse

But deep down I was breaking

And I couldn’t make amends

I’m scared they’ll find out

Scared they’ll run

Scared my past will block the sun

I smile, I serve, I sing, I pray

But I’m still haunted every day

God, is this You or just my guilt?

Is this grace or what I built?

I’m tired of hiding, tired of fear

Tired of crying silent tears

God, is this You or just my shame?

I keep calling out Your name

But I feel stuck, I feel alone

Is this my cross or just a stone?

I push people away, then wonder why

I’m lonely every night

I test their love like he did mine

Just to see if they’ll survive

I hate myself for letting this happen

I resent the ones who smile

I’m angry in the meetings

But I’m empty all the while

“No one understands me” — I whisper

“I don’t want to be a burden” — I lie

I wear my worship like armor

But inside, I’m barely alive

God, is this You or just my guilt?

Is this grace or what I built?

I’m tired of hiding, tired of fear

Tired of crying silent tears

God, is this You or just my shame?

I keep calling out Your name

But I feel stuck, I feel alone

Is this my cross or just a stone?