Life is not what you wanted it to be growing up thinking it would be having friends and family but now fast-forward your 24 married and no kids still working a 9 to 5 thinking praying you reach up higher because in your childhood days you didn’t get to be the child you wanted to be rage and rape in pain that no one can relate to so you’re cutting up your wrist thinking you should put the blame on yourself For when he touched you mama saying you’re lying again to the CPS workers and she’s putting on a mask of happiness and putting them in a trance, making them believe the lies and them seeing the bruises and cover her own ass. I am forced to stay quiet and talk and talk to you yes mama no mama now I’m 24 never want to be like her 16 and pregnant three kids and she didn’t get a life. She met my daddy and damn I wish I knew her like he did. All I got was a mentally diminished woman who could care less if we eat or she got her cigs after he died I became the woman of the house at eight years old cooking and cleaning and sometime feigning begging for money and food. Don’t let me feel like I’m struggling because I know how to manipulate you like a chiropractor pop every bone until you feel relaxed, then turn back into stone. Mama says I’m sorry for abusing and using you but you know that it is a lie now I’m here thinking of the time I called her after that suicide attempt and she’s disappointed. In the fact I survived mama god why I’m sorry I’m not perfect in your eyes. I’m sorry i’m losing who I am because of you. I’m sorry I’m sorry I hate you too but goddamnit you’re my mama I didn’t ask to be I didn’t want to be, but unfortunately here we are mama I can’t love you as a mother, but only as someone who gave birth to me because no mother would sacrifice their child sanity the way you did and then blame them. I’m sorry, mama, but I can’t forgive you.
trixses
