My Fault

Yeah…

I wish this was fiction.

But I lived it.

I was hurt before I ever learned how to heal

So I built armor from habits, learned how to feel

By escapin’, by runnin’, by numb-in’ the pain

Smilin’ in public, privately breakin’ in frames

Every promise I made felt sincere at the time

But sincerity fades when you’re duckin’ the climb

I said “trust me” with fingers already crossed

Didn’t know self-betrayal came bundled with loss

I was scared to be honest, addicted to noise

Every bad decision dressed up as a choice

I needed love but I chased validation

Mistook desperation for motivation

They tried to hold me together, I tore at the seams

Said “I’m fine” while I drowned in my own disbelief

This ain’t bad luck, this heartbreak math

Every step I ignored came back double fast

I lit the spark just to feel something warm

Now I’m freezin’ in the quiet after everything’s gone

I ain’t lose it to fate or a twist in the plot

I lost everything slow to the pain I would not stop

I let pride speak louder than fear ever could

Chose lookin’ strong over doin’ what’s good

Love begged me to stay, I said “you’ll be okay”

Now I’d trade every win just to hear you say my name

Nights feel longer when guilt keeps you awake

Rewindin’ the moments you can’t recreate

I replay your silence, that last tired sigh

That look in your eyes sayin’ “I’m done tryin’”

I didn’t mean to destroy what I didn’t know how to keep

I just didn’t think consequences cut this deep

Every bridge I burned lit my way for a mile

Till I ran outta light and got lost in denial

This ain’t bad luck, this emotional debt

Every “I’ll change tomorrow” I ain’t paid yet

I fed the fire just to feel alive

Now the ashes spell out every reason you left my life

I ain’t lose it to time or a random plot

I lost everything slow to the pain I would not stop

I look in the mirror, see who I was

And who I could’ve been if I chose different drugs

Different habits, different reactions

Instead of runnin’ from love, runnin’ from fraction

If regret had a voice, it’d sound just like me

Sayin’ “you knew better,” still lettin’ it be

I thought rock bottom meant fallin’ apart

Didn’t know it meant livin’ with a fractured heart

I don’t hate who I was, I just mourn what I lost

Every lesson I learned came with permanent cost

Ain’t nobody push me, I slipped from my grip

Watched my life crack slow from the weight of my fists

If you’re hearin’ this now and you’re still in control

Please choose what I didn’t before it takes hold

This ain’t bad luck, this truth exposed

Every tear I dodged finally overflowed

I made the call, I heard it drop

Now I live with the man I could not stop

If there’s wisdom in everything I lost

You don’t lose it all once —

You lose it in thoughts

Yeah…

Sometimes the worst punishment

Is rememberin’ exactly

When you could’ve changed everything.