Speedball

I used to laugh when I hit the ground

physics loved me, I never stayed down

Every wall said “try again”

Every fall felt like a friend

Neon trails, momentum jokes

I bent the rules and slipped through folks

No fear math, no sense of cost

If I bounced back, nothing was lost

They called me Speedball — say it fast

Bright dumb colors, built to last

Comic relief in a cape and grin

I hit the wall and came back in

Then Stamford happened and the air went still

Panels went white, the world got real

I felt the heat before the sound

Then there was nothing left to bounce

I tried to move — the ground didn’t care

Bodies don’t ricochet from prayer

Six hundred names I didn’t know

Now live in every place I go

I stopped bouncing.

I stopped smiling.

**I don’t bounce when I hit the ground**

*(no sound)* **I just stay there now**

They locked me up and let me rot

Said “serve the time” like time forgot

I wore the blame, I wore the stare

Every mirror asked “why were you there?”

Registration forms, sides to pick

I picked the pain — it felt more honest

If I hurt enough maybe the math works out

Maybe screams get quieter if I scream loud

I sharpened guilt into something clean

Turned every nerve into a receipt

If suffering’s proof then I’ll keep score

I’ll pay in blood, then bleed some more

They stopped calling me Speedball

That name felt like a lie I told

Bright things don’t stay bright long

Not when they’re used to light the bomb

**I don’t bounce when I hit the ground**

*(hold still)* **I put the spikes in now**

They named me Penance, said it fits

A walking sentence made of guilt

Every step hurts, good — it should

Pain’s the only thing that feels true

I’m not fast, I’m not free

I’m just gravity remembering me

Every movement’s a measured sin

Every breath digs deeper in

But somewhere under all that steel

There’s motion I refuse to kill

I didn’t die in Stamford’s fire

I just burned off who I was

I won’t laugh through the fall again

I won’t pretend I didn’t see them

I’ll carry weight, I’ll choose my landings

I’ll stay present when it’s demanding

**I don’t bounce when I hit the ground**

*(breathe out)* **but I don’t run from it now**

I was Speedball — noise and light

I am Penance — I stayed the night

Not redeemed, not forgiven yet

Just still here, still trying, still kinetic