Even Free Would Cost Too Much

The real estate agent said, "That's really charming,"

we heard, "You guys hit the jackpot!"

A little paint, a few screws—

how hard can it be? Hardly.

You just wipe the wall twice, very slowly—

the plaster falls off too, surprise!

Now we can see the neighbor's kitchen—open plan! Free skylights!

I say, "Relax, honey, I'll take care of it,"

with a putty knife in my hand.

Ten minutes later, something wobbles—was that the floor… or just the property?

Even if it were free, it would still be too expensive,

but we said, "We can do it!"

Now the fuse box is on fire,

and the bathroom looks like a pond.

We only wanted a small renovation,

now we're emotionally drained and stressed out.

Even if it were free, it would still be too expensive—

but somehow we love this chaos.

I push the strip against the wall –

the tiles break.

You look at me as if you want to say: “Be honest…

that’s not how it works, honey.”

The toilet used to stand there so proudly,

solid, strong, upright.

Now it’s downstairs in the living room –

at least the ventilation works, right?

The windows never close properly,

the wind just whistles right in.

We sleep in coats in January –

so romantic, let’s pretend!

Even if it were free, it would still be too expensive,

but we laugh up our sleeves.

Between big dreams and moldy corners,

this house won’t break our trust.

It’s basically falling apart –

but hey, give me the power drill!

With hot glue guns and silicone,

we’ll make it work.