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Lyrics
Verse 1
So you married a reader,
Well, buddy, that’s your first mistake,
‘Cause she used to think you’re handsome
‘Til she met a man who shifts and takes flight for goodness’ sake.
You used to be her dream guy,
You were everything she wanted,
Then she turned one page of a book
And your entire résumé got haunted.
Pre-Chorus
You said, “Baby, I love you,”
She said, “That’s really sweet…”
Then Rhysand walked into the story
And suddenly you’re obsolete.
Chorus
‘Cause the second that she reads him,
Your standards hit the floor,
You used to be a ten out of ten—
Now you’re lucky if you’re a four.
Rhysand’s got the wingspan,
Cassian’s got the arms,
Xaden’s riding dragons,
Dorian’s got the charm.
Rowan’s standing brooding in the corner
Like he owns the whole damn place,
And you’re standing in the kitchen like,
“Why’d she just make that face?”
Verse 2
You brought her home some flowers,
He bought her kingdoms and a crown.
You said, “I’ll take you out for dinner,”
He said, “I’ll burn the whole world down.”
You asked her what she wanted,
She said, “Nothing, I’m okay.”
Meanwhile some fictional man
Would’ve known before she had to say.
Pre-Chorus
You leave your socks beside the laundry,
She starts reading and compares,
‘Cause apparently Xaden would’ve noticed
And already folded all the pairs.
Chorus
‘Cause the second that she reads him,
Your standards hit the floor,
You used to be a ten out of ten—
Now you’re lucky if you’re a four.
Rhysand’s got the wingspan,
Cassian’s got the arms,
Xaden’s riding dragons,
Dorian’s got the charm.
Rowan’s got that brooding stare
That apparently you can’t compete with,
And you’re standing there in sweatpants like,
“Girl, what the hell is wrong with me?”
Bridge
You can’t read her mind like Dorian,
You don’t have Xaden’s dragon,
You don’t have Rhysand’s wings,
And Rowan’s got a sword
And a whole damn century of baggage.
You can’t offer her a kingdom,
You can’t winnow through the door,
You can’t say one devastating line
That makes her scream, “I NEED HIM MORE!”
And every time she finishes a chapter,
You watch your chances disappear,
‘Cause fictional men keep getting better
And you’re just… standing there.
Breakdown
“Baby, wanna watch a movie?”
“Does he have wings?”
“No.”
“Next.”
“Dinner?”
“Does he ride dragons?”
“No.”
“Next.”
“Cuddle?”
“…Does he have a sword?”
“Why?”
“Just asking.”
Final Chorus
So you married a reader,
And now you’re fighting for your life,
‘Cause every fictional boyfriend
Just raised the bar another height.
Rhysand, Xaden, Dorian,
Cassian and Rowan too,
And every time she says, “He’s fictional,”
You somehow know that’s bad news for you.
Outro
So you married a reader,
You knew the risks, you signed the deal.
You thought you were her fantasy…
Then she discovered BookTok.
Now you’re competing with men
Who don’t exist,
Have perfect bodies,
Perfect dialogue,
Unlimited money,
Magical powers—
…and somehow you’re the one who needs to step it up. 😂
Details
GeneratedAug 26, 2026
Duration3:43
LanguageEnglish
Style
Upbeat, playful pop-rock/pop-punk comedy song with a cheeky female lead vocalist. Energetic, catchy, sarcastic and theat
Credits
Prompt by
PrimeChord535
PrimeChord535ModelAria v5.5
