Ash Beneath Your Name

I watched your hands go still in mine

Like holy water left to dry

You spoke in fragments, swallowed light

While I turned every wound into a knife

I wore your mercy like a crown

Then dragged it through the river mouth

You gave me gardens I burned down

Just to see if you would stay somehow

And now the silence has your shape

Every room becomes your grave

I hear your voice inside the drain

Like a hymn I cannot wash away

If I could crawl beneath your skin

Undo the sickness I let in

Would you still recoil from me

Like heaven does from blasphemy?

I know I left you there to bleed

Just so I could feel believed

Now every shadow speaks your name

And I wear the ash beneath it

You loved me past the point of sense

Past every cruel coincidence

I turned your faith into a test

Then blamed you when you failed again

There were angels in your mouth

Every time you talked me down

But I was born to ruin things

That try too hard to keep me clean

So I keep drowning in the sound

Of all the walls I laid around us

You begged for softness, I gave storms

Then wondered why you disappeared

If I could crawl beneath your skin

Undo the sickness I let in

Would you still recoil from me

Like heaven does from blasphemy?

I know I left you there to bleed

Just so I could feel believed

Now every shadow speaks your name

And I wear the ash beneath it

I never learned

How to hold love without crushing it

Never learned

How to stay still when kindness hit

So I made a martyr out of you

To justify the damage

And now your ghost moves through me

Like a flooded cathedral

If there’s a God beneath your ribs

Tell Him I finally understand it

The cost of being truly seen

By someone I did not deserve

And if you never turn again

I will live inside the ruin

With your fingerprints like scripture

Pressed into my throat forever

You were the wound I should have healed

Not the one I fed

Now I sleep beside the echo

Of everything I said.