(Voice 1: Anxiety)
You again…
I knew I’d find you here.
Everybody’s asleep now.
No more distractions.
It’s just you… and me.
(Voice 2: Me)
Why won’t you leave me alone?
(Voice 1: Anxiety)
Because you always come back to me.
Go ahead…
Look in the mirror.
You already know what you’re going to see.
(Voice 2: Me)
I hate the mirror.
(Voice 1: Anxiety)
I know.
You don’t even recognize her anymore.
(Voice 2: Me)
Because I don’t know who I’m looking at anymore.
(Voice 1: Anxiety)
She’s gone.
(Voice 2: Me)
No…
I think she’s still here.
I just can’t find her.
I feel like she’s trapped somewhere deep inside me…
Trying to find her way back.
(Voice 1: Anxiety)
Keep telling yourself that.
Every day you give another piece of yourself away.
There’s nothing left.
This is who you are now.
(Voice 2: Me)
Every piece of me belongs to somebody else.
My kids need me.
My husband needs me.
Work needs me.
The house needs me.
The laundry needs me.
The baseball games.
The dance classes.
Everybody needs something.
By the time they’re done…
There’s nothing left for me.
(Voice 1: Anxiety)
Exactly.
You’re empty.
And you still pretend you’re okay.
(Voice 2: Me)
No..
I just don’t want anybody to worry.
I don’t want my kids to think it’s them.
I don’t want my husband blaming himself.
So I smile…
I carry it…
Because I love them.
(Voice 1: Anxiety)
You’re tired.
Not because you need sleep.
Because you’re losing yourself.
You know I’m right.
(Voice 2: Me)
…Yeah.
I’m tired.
Not sleepy tired.
The kind of tired sleep can’t fix.
The kind that follows me into the mirror.
The kind that waits for the house to get quiet.
The kind that keeps asking…
“What’s wrong with me?”
(Voice 1: Anxiety)
You thought you beat me.
You didn’t.
You just forgot what I sounded like.
Let me remind you…
“You’re a failure.”
“You’re a bad mom.”
“Nobody likes you.”
“You’re too much.”
“You’re not enough.”
“You’re worthless.”
“You’ll never amount to anything.”
“You can’t get rid of me.”
(Voice 2: Me)
I did…
Or at least…
I thought I did.
There was a time…
Medication helped.
Time helped.
The sleepless nights finally stopped.
I could finally lay my head down…
Without hearing your voice.
I could look in the mirror…
Without questioning who I was.
I really believed you were gone…
For good.
Man…
Hearing your voice again…
Hurts more than I can explain.
Because I remember what life felt like…
Without you.
And…
I miss her.
I miss me.
(Voice 1: Anxiety)
Nothing’s changed.
Tomorrow will be the same.
You’ll wake up tired.
You’ll fake another smile.
You’ll keep losing yourself.
And I’ll be waiting.
(Voice 2: Me)
…Maybe.
Maybe tomorrow you’ll still be here.
Maybe I’ll still have another sleepless night.
Maybe I’ll still hate the mirror.
Maybe I’ll still wonder…
“What’s wrong with me?”
But tomorrow morning…
I’m still gonna get up.
Even when all I have are tears.
Even if I have to drag myself through..
I’m still showing up.
Not because you disappeared
Because I’m refusing to..
Ooh..
Ooh..
Ohhhh…
MakaylaWall
