Whats best

I understand your frustration, i do, i asked you to be patient because there were going to be times when i completely collapse, this is one of those times. Now youre back to saying that im pushing away, and you dont need me, and im not making room... thats all untrue... this is when i need you most.. and this is when i withdraw from everything.. i understand why you feel you dont want to be burdened by my garbage, and im sorry.. i wont beg.. but please understand this.

Im not ignoring you.

Im not pushing you away.

I really am happy for you.

Its so unfortunate that my misery is a problem. I never wanted to be a burden, and my issues have obviously become your problem. I dont want to be anyones problem, especially you.

I love you honey, with everything...

but it really hurts when you say things like this...

im not trying to hurt you...

im just trying to figure out

how to live with the pain,

when all i want to do is die.

.. and im not allowed to..

im not allowed to be sad,

or happy, or alone, or even tired, to have time to myself,

money,

a job,

not allowed to speak my mind, sleep,

cant go away, stay, think.. everything..

just try to understand without being upset that this is whats going on with me. Im not being inconsiderate, im just trying to find strength to stay... when all i want to do is go..

I know that you struggle too.

I never walked away.

Do whats best for you honey.

I love you