[Verse 1]
I grew up in the pews where my father preached grace
But I couldn’t feel God in that holy place
He was busy with sermons, too tired to stay
And I learned early on how to push love away
A brother who bruised me with silence and stares
A mom always fighting, too worn out for prayers
I wore the right clothes, made the right grades
But inside, I was learning to fade
[Verse 2]
Told the gospel like a script I’d rehearsed
While inside I was choking on spiritual thirst
Defended my dad with blood in my fists
But hated the call that made me feel missed
Had one friend who felt like a brother
Then silence, a year—we forgot each other
I let darkness creep into every space
And wore church like a smile I couldn’t replace
[Chorus]
And I’m crying in the silence, still praying through the night
Trying to believe there’s a reason for the fight
I’ve got God, I’ve got faith, but I still feel alone
With no one beside me to help carry me home
Is it weakness to ache? Is it wrong that I’m numb?
I’ve been bleeding and broken, but I’m still holding on
[Verse 3]
Got baptized more out of pressure than fire
Understood the meaning, but lacked the desire
Shut down the boy who would laugh and be free
Built walls around the real parts of me
Started sleeping to skip through the days
Hurting myself in secret ways
Wore humor like armor, but inside I knew
That nothing about it was true
[Verse 4]
I prayed for a year, “God, send me a friend”
And He answered in ways I still can’t comprehend
Fell in love with a girl, but the past bled through
I lost her and didn’t know what to do
Then I loved someone who loved You more
And I loved her like never before
She said she was scared—we drifted apart
And now she don’t know she still holds my heart
[Chorus]
So I'm crying in the silence, still praying through the night
Trying to believe there’s a reason for the fight
I’ve got God, I’ve got faith, but I still feel alone
With no one beside me to help carry me home
Is it weakness to ache? Is it wrong that I’m numb?
I’ve been bleeding and broken, but I’m still holding on
[Bridge]
They say joy comes in the morning,
but I’m lost in the in-between
I know I’ve been forgiven,
but I don't know what that means
When the wounds still ache, and the nights still scream
When the people I love only show up in dreams
I believe You’re good—but I still ask why
And I worship in silence with tears in my eyes
[Final Chorus]
Still crying in the silence, still waiting on the light
Still trusting through the trembling, still learning how to fight
I’ve got God, I’ve got hope, but I still feel the ache
And I’m holding out for love that doesn’t break
Is it healing to wait? Is it brave not to run?
I’m a soul full of sorrow, but I’m still holding on
