[Verse 1]
Ladies and gentlemen, gather around,
I’ve got the plot twist of a whole small town.
He had opinions. He had critiques.
He just forgot to have receipts.
He judged my floors, he judged my sink,
His own place looked like it lost a fight with a raccoon convention.
Said, “You should really clean more often…”
Sir…
You first.
[Chorus]
The audacity!
Must’ve been buy one, get ten free.
No job, no cash, no working ride,
Still somehow managed an ego that wide.
Cheating, lying, blocking my phone,
Acting like accountability had never been known.
If confidence were currency,
You’d own the Federal Reserve.
[Verse 2]
I paid for dinner. I paid for gas.
I helped with your résumé… imagine that.
I built you up, believed the hype.
Turns out I was your LinkedIn Premium subscription.
Meanwhile, I had a career, a house, a plan.
You had… vibes.
[Pre-Chorus]
Looking back, I really have one question…
What exactly was I impressed by?
[Chorus]
The audacity!
Should’ve charged admission honestly.
Broken car, broken promises too.
Broken logic—I collected the whole set from you.
You critiqued my life like an expert panel,
While your own was buffering.
[Bridge]
Remember when everybody warned me?
Yeah…
Turns out they weren’t haters.
They were witnesses.
And Trevor…
My guy accidentally won “Most Emotionally Available”
Without even entering the competition.
[Final Chorus]
The audacity!
Honestly it’s comedy.
I survived the plot, escaped the cast,
Now all the red flags look like confetti at last.
Here’s to healing. Here’s to growth.
Here’s to never ignoring my own vote.
And if anyone asks how it ended…
I finally stopped auditioning
For a circus.
[Outro]
No animals were harmed.
Just my standards.
They’re much higher now.
