Against my will

Verse 1

I wake up tired of just surviving

Of proving that I still exist

Like I’m worth the air I’m breathing

But still have to fight for it

I live in the long kind of middle

Where nothing ends, nothing begins

Time passes through me quietly

Like it never meant to stay in

I feel borrowed, thin, untrue

Like I’m wearing someone else’s skin

I don’t chase the future anymore

I just trace the floor I’m standing in

Pre-Chorus

I’m not waiting for a breakthrough

I’m not asking to be saved

I just watch the days go missing

Like they never learned my name

Chorus

I am not asleep

I am not awake

I’m stitched together

By my mistakes

I’m not dead

But I’m not alive

I learned how to stay

Not how to survive

And I am still here

Against my will

Verse 2

I am what’s left when hope evacuates

The fracture in the fact

Not whole enough to break

Death has direction

Life requires consent

My body stays

My soul delays

Every breath feels unmeant

My heart still knows the rhythm

But it’s playing for no crowd

The scream stays on the inside

Even when it’s loud

Feelings come with distance

Like they’re secondhand

A life I’m no longer attending

But still forced to understand

Pre-Chorus

If this is what it means to cope

Then coping feels like loss

I didn’t give up on the road

I’m just running out of “because”

Chorus

I am not asleep

I am not awake

I’m stitched together

By my mistakes

I’m not dead

But I’m not alive

I learned how to stay

Not how to survive

And I am still here

Against my will

Don’t tell me it gets better

Don’t tell me I’m strong

The weather wasn’t mine to choose

I’ve just been in it too long

I’m not asking for a new life

I just don’t want this one right here

I didn’t fail at leaving

I just never learned how to go

Final Chorus

I am not asleep

I am not awake

I’m stitched together

By my mistakes

I’m not dead

But I’m not alive

I learned how to stay

Not how to survive

And I am still here

Against my will

Outro

I learned how to stay

Not how to survive

And I am still here

Against my will