Till I feel sane

Intro – low, tired)
Yeah…
I don’t even like who I am at night.
(Verse 1)
Clock hit twelve and the walls close in
Whole house quiet but my head too loud
Thoughts running laps I can’t outrun
Try to stand tall but I’m breaking down
I say I’m good when they ask how I’ve been
Got real good at pretending
Smile wide in the daylight hours
Then collapse when the sunlight’s ending
There’s a war going on in my chest
Every memory taking a shot
Every “what if” loading a clip
Every “maybe” tying a knot
I don’t wanna call nobody
Don’t wanna hear “you’ll be fine”
Sometimes “fine” feels like a sentence
And I’m serving mine
(Pre-Chorus)
So I sit there staring at the counter
Like it’s calling my name again
I know exactly how this ends
But I still reach for it then
(Hook)
I beat the bottle till I feel sane
Like drowning out the hurricane
For a second it numbs the pain
Then it comes back twice again
I beat the bottle till I feel sane
Like I’m fighting ghosts in my brain
It quiets down the storm and rain
But it never really breaks the chain
(Verse 2)
First sip hit like false relief
Second one blur the edge
Third one tell me I’m strong enough
To stand back on the ledge
But courage poured in a glass
Ain’t courage when it fades
Morning light show me truth
In the mess that I made
Head pounding like regret
Dry mouth tasting shame
Looking at the empty proof
I’m the one to blame
I say I’ll stop tomorrow
But tomorrow feel far
When the only thing that slows my mind
Is sitting in that jar
(Bridge – stripped down)
I don’t want the bottle
I just want the noise to end
I don’t want the numbness
I just want to feel again
(Final Hook – more emotional)
I beat the bottle till I feel sane
Like I’m medicating rain
Like if I drown it deep enough
I won’t feel the weight of pain
I beat the bottle till I feel sane
But sane don’t come that way
It’s just a temporary escape
From a war I’ve gotta face

Depression, rap, male vocals