At the beginning..I thought it was all fine..
Your presence made my feminine energy feel divine
I felt elated and tried to take a chance
But then you pushed your foot hard down on the gas
My heart started beating triple, overtime
I thought I could handle it
This crazy wild ride
You took my hand in yours
And said, “Imma make you mine”
But suffocation started kicking in, overdrive.
You squeezed me harder and you wouldn’t let me go
You had to have the strength, had to have all of the control.
I tried to look for a chance to flee
But you pulled me in and made me feel weak within the knees
You spun me fairytales
Oh you spun me dreams
Made me think that maybe we could be
But then everything it slowly caved away
And then I seen the demons spinning in your brain
“Let me see just how hard I can push her”
“Isnt she beautiful, damn she’s a looker”
“She does everything I want, and whatever I say”
“She won’t go anywhere, as long as I say stay”
You made me think, oh yeah, made me believe
That there was no future without you there with me
You made me feel as if I could fly
Until you made me choke so much I get like I could die
You dimmed my sparkle, oh yeah you dimmed my shine
Held it close to you, took control of my mind.
Gave me small fleeting chances of hope
Then threw it to the ground and made me feel alone.
It took awhile to see
That you were never there for me
You only seen me as a doll to play,
All of your sick little fantasy games.
You made me feel lesser than I was
Made me feel so crazy and unloved
You made me feel like I was going insane
Had me entangled, messed up in the brain.
It felt like my whole life was gonna fall apart
Felt like I needed to be in your arms
But what I needed was to really see
How truly twisted you could be
Spin the narrative in a wicked dance
Played me like a toy, a puppet in your hands.
“She’s to emotional”
“She’s crazy you see”
But I gave you solace, gave you sanctuary.
I wiped every tear off your face away.
You threw me to the wolves every single day.
So eventually I fell to my knees
I asked the gods what does this all mean?
Was love truly such a twisted game?
Was I delusional, like he’d say?
I didn’t have very high expectations
Ended up in a nightmare of my own creation
Believing that I could give you a chance
When I seen all the red flags at the first initial glance
But yet I built myself from the mud
Gave myself some tender care and love
Sat in a period of self isolation
Until I broke through to a higher elevation
Understanding and compassion deep within my bones
A heart so big, waiting for gentle hands to hold.
Yours were calloused and oh so very cold
I never could be who I truly am
If I stayed with that inpatient man
The one who only wanted to mold me to be
Into a perfect version of what he wanted to see.
Instead I took that step back and felt more in control
I let my emotions flow free and slightly lost my way
But now I am stronger than I used to be.
Without those chains you once held so tight on me.
