Old FART (Factory-Approved Recurring Toots)

[Verse 1]
Sat down fast
My knee said “crack”
My spine said “who?”
My hip talked back
Walk in a room
Forget what for
Stand there scrolling by the fridge
Like it’s a magic door
[Chorus]
I’m an old FART
Factory‑Approved Recurring Toot (hey!)
Body doing sound effects
Every time I move a foot
Yeah an old FART
Kids laugh every time I sneeze
I just blink
Lose my train of thought
And forget where I left my keys
[Verse 2]
Phone in my hand
“Where’s my phone?”
Glasses on my head
Still I groan
Squint at the screen
Zoom to 200%
Look like I’m inspecting
Government documents
[Chorus]
I’m an old FART
Factory‑Approved Recurring Toot (ooh yeah)
Every tiny stretch I do
Comes with its own kazoo
Yeah an old FART
They roast me every birthday cake
“Dad
Was fire invented yet
The day you graduated eighth grade?”
[Bridge]
Kids say
“You’re so old”
I say
“Listen here”
I’ve survived bad haircuts
And rental DVDs
My dear
You mock my creaks
And my wheezy laugh
But when you need free babysitting
Guess who you call back? (that’s right!)
[Chorus]
I’m an old FART
Factory‑Approved Recurring Toot
Vintage model
Classic frame
With the premium dad‑joke loot
Yeah an old FART
I’ll be wheezing till I go
If aging is a punchline
I’m the headlining show (hey!)

pop, Bouncy campy pop with a touch of musical-theater humor, male vocals; tack piano, upright bass, and goofy brass stabs. Verses stay tight and talky, chorus explodes with gang vocals and claps. Occasional cartoonish sound-effect hits and stop-time jokes to punch the punchlines., comedy