Remote In One Hand, Snack In The Other

[Verse 1]
I slide in first
Call the couch
You can have the dishes
I called this house
I built my life
Round these shows
You wanna talk feelings?
Wait till the reruns close
[Chorus]
Remote in one hand
Snack in the other
I would fight my sister
I would fight my mother (hey!)
I swear I’d arm‑wrestle
All of our friends
Just to watch my babies
Till the credits end
[Verse 2]
If I ever met ’em
I’d lose my chill
Ask way too much
Forget my bill
“Adopt me please
I make great toast
I’ll laugh on cue
I’ll clap at the jokes” (oh yeah)
[Chorus]
Remote in one hand
Snack in the other
I would fight my sister
I would fight my brother
Slide on the floor
Like a home‑plate dive
Just to hit that channel
Keep my loves alive
[Bridge]
You want the news?
Go read your phone
This living room
Is a sitcom zone
You change the show
We throw hands tonight
You want my heart?
You better binge it right
[Chorus]
Remote in one hand
Snack in the other
I would fight my exes
I would fight my lover (hey!)
Guarding that screen
Like it’s pure gold
If you steal my stories
We are on hold

rock, Crunchy garage rock with female vocals, fuzzy rhythm guitars and a bouncy bass locking into a mid‑tempo stomp. Verses stay tight and talky, letting the punchlines land; chorus explodes with shout‑along gang vocals and simple power‑chord lifts. Occasional tambourine hits and claps on the hook, brief stop‑downs before punchline lines for maximum comedic impact., female vocals