Born into chaos,
Mom and Dad barely around
I just remember a lot of time
at the babysitters house .
Meemaw and Pawpaw
Bedtime buddies, barbies and bike rides .
We became best buds, Chelsea and I .
Man time sure really flies .
I miss those warm summer nights.
4 years old, I came north
Learned how to play in the snow .
Those Ohio winters, you know how they go .
Parents split,
Mama flew south,
Daddy chasing addiction.
Grandma and grandpa took me in.
Life sure looked different now.
I started school, played soccer, did dance class and girl scouts.
Barely 8 years old when I got the news.
I didnt know what I was about to lose !
- Grandpa didnt make it back home for christmas .
A hospital visit was supposed to fix him.
But they didn't.
Grandma tried to hold us all together ,
- Like he did.
But she couldnt raise another kid.
- Losing him really changed my course,
Life took a big turn for the worse.
I've learned to stand when I fall down,
that hands can hurt,
hearts dont always stay around.
Lonliness was the constant I found.
I learned to survive before I learned to trust,
Love felt fragile, like it might give up.
Every home I knew was temporary,
The world was loud, and it scared me.
But I stayed hopeful, even young,
That I’d find a love that wouldn’t run.
Grandma asked, CSB or Tennessee?
Now it was Mama's turn to protect me.
I landed in the eagles nest , no idea i was prey !
Fresh little birdie, the eagle came and hurt me .
Mama turned her head away.
- So it was then that I learned how to pray !
Taught myself how to stand alone,
My little heart just searching for a home.
Mama left the eagle, then I flew up north. Summers i went back and forth .
Teenage years came and went so fast .
I grew up quick living with my dad .
I found out about the demons he had ,
Those few years werent all that bad .
But it broke my heart to see him struggle like that.
I learned to survive before I learned to trust,
Love felt fragile, like it might give up.
Every home I knew was temporary,
The world was loud, and it scared me
But I stayed hopeful, even young,
That I’d find a love that wouldn’t run.
One day in my late twenties, I met a guy .
He was older than me, But he liked my eyes. Our souls seemed to tie ,
And now we have a little girl, she's 2 and a boy he's 5.
- but they didn't get my hazel eyes.
Our love story didnt go as planned .
He drank too much and he raised his hand. Then he found himself in anothers arms ,
Even though he tried hard not to cause harm
We fought like hell to stay alive ,
But our love story,
- it seems to have died.
Two little hearts now call me mom,
Just trying my best not to raise them wrong.
Wanna give them better than what I knew .
I dream of a table where laughter never fades ,
A house full of love, no one has to chase
My kids’ hearts full of the love I gave.
A family that started with Mom & Dad, with everything I never had.
ButtahPeacan
