[Rapid rap]
Wanna take each day
as it comes cos when I do I stay authentic & positive
Even in fear Im true to me im congruent
& fluid
Fluent with nuance & flow into it
I allow for presence
& NOT performance
From aiming too far beyond
what Im not capable of
on the day due to the unknown of
how I feel in my body cos
My A.D.H.D
& my C.P.T.S.D are complex
Gives me that inner hot mess complex
That gets
Nothin that'll
Earn a medal
I just
suffer in silence
So influenced
By external factors
like others ignorance
Triggers my body into defense
Hense this
unless I shrink
& be less
I think
They'll leave me
Which doesn't make sense
But I stay
hidden away
Cos that way
I stay safe
& so I wait
In my room all day
The only room I can control & feel ok
taking the lead of me
For the majority
But sometimes I do need somebody
Cos my brain goes
Into game mode
tryin to beat
level 800 maximum difficulty
Leavin me
Always trailing
Feeling the more I try
Is why
I keep on failing
My body screaming
For autonomy
I been needing
to finally
Get the time to rest to gain my strength back
To rise strong
Full on
& get back on track
Wanna let go
of feeling like I gotta hold
it all together alone
& accept it is what it is
Im not broken just sick
Nobody's fault im like this
Ask for help
Reach out
Call myself out
own my shit
growl at myself if I need it
Then its motivational speech time
Usually I'll say along these lines
Hey you know how this works
Show up how you can while thrown the worst by the universe.
Dont forget its a test
to see if you choose to rest
Or you choose the loop
Another round to get that lesson to land
That means you gotta
Go on a little longer,
Talk it out, write a song
Make a plan
So I wrote a song
To help understand
How to efficiently help me - Sam
I need
Some guilt free
Fear free time to rest,
Or do whatever i choose to invest
My time into
& to know
What I choose
isn't gonna be used
As a reason the kids lose
Time with their dad
Simply cos
he views
my choice as 'bad'
I need availability
For my body
To fully give in to
Surrender so love can get through
Spend less
time in stress
Instead
Create more
Sing out loud more
From the souls core
Lyrics devouring
Empowering
motivates & energizes me
Inspires me
Or it might
make me
Wanna cry
Tears of joy
Or grief
Layers of things
Come up from underneath
Brings lotsa stuff up for me
I need to calmly breathe
& process without worry
I gotta hurry
Cos the kids need me there
Like every day has been the last 2 years.
Wish my other crap would fuck off
& maybe then Id stop
falling into the trap
Of looping & the patterns that
Keep taking me round n round & around round all around
Distracting me
Away from my dreams being seen
Being found
& my higher purpose
Journey
Triggers the nervous
Systems learning
Well im hopeful
This time will be the final
Btch & moan
[Outro]
Haha
I know i know
Being like this
I get so embarrassed
I hope it motivates me
To do better
& not stay stuck here forever
Cos fuck that!
So c'mon
Lets go!
Yea
Its on!
WorldsDrone08
