The DEA

“The DEA”

(Driving rock riff, drums crashing in hard. Hank swaggers downstage, mic in hand like a rock star.)

HANK:

Yeah! Let’s go!

Albuquerque mornin’, badge up on my chest,

Best damn agent that the Southwest’s ever blessed,

I don’t jog, I don’t do yoga, I don’t meditate,

I catch bad guys for breakfast and I clean my plate.

(Guitar riff, drums kick in full)

HANK:

D-E-A! That’s right, get outta my way!

I’ve been doin’ this since Reagan, I do it every day,

You cook it, you sell it, you move it, you pray —

I’m still gonna find you, ‘cause I’m the D-E-A!

(Verse, cockier, chest out)

I bench more than you, I talk louder than you,

I solved more cases before my second cup of brew,

Marie thinks I’m difficult, well Marie can relax,

Somebody’s gotta be the tip of the spear, that’s a fact.

But somethin’s different now, somethin’s in the air,

Blue crystal, pure as ice, showin’ up everywhere,

Not just here in Albuquerque, not just here at home —

Texas, Arizona, Nevada — this thing has grown.

(Music darkens slightly, tension building)

HANK:

Ninety-nine percent pure, never seen it before,

Word is it’s even hit the streets over in Europe’s shore,

Whoever’s cookin’ this ain’t some amateur, some clown,

This is a chemist, this is precision, this’ll shut a whole city down.

(Back to full rock energy, chorus hits harder)

HANK:

D-E-A! I don’t sleep, I don’t stray!

Somebody’s out there thinkin’ they’re smarter than me today,

Well let me tell you somethin’, I don’t care what they weigh,

I will find you, I will end you, ‘cause I’m the D-E-A!

(Bridge — Hank struts, addressing the audience directly)

They call it “Blue Sky” — cute name, real cute,

Somebody’s out there feelin’ like they’re bulletproof,

But every king falls, every legend meets his end,

And I got a badge and a gun that says I’m comin’ for my friend.

(Final chorus, huge, anthemic, guitar solo underneath)

HANK:

D-E-A! Red white and blue all the way!

I’ll chase you through the desert, I’ll chase you into the fray,

Whoever’s behind Blue Sky better hear what I say —

Your time is comin’, ‘cause I’m the D-E-A!

(Guitar solo. Hank points to the crowd like a rockstar, lights flash. Blackout.)