🎧 [Intro – funky slap bass + anime announcer voice]
📣 “Last time on OP Nerd: High & Blessed...
Our hero found peace in the Land of Booze & Kush...
But now? He wandered into the Desert of Double Cheeks...
...and got ambushed by booty.”
Cue jazz flute trill, gun cock, and soft moan SFX
---
🎤 [Verse 1 – desert ambush]
I was rollin’ deep with snacks and loot,
Feelin’ cute in my anime boots.
Then out the sand came a thunderous clap,
Ass so loud, broke my minimap.
Three bandit babes with curves on stun,
Said, “Drop the gold — or drop that bun.”
Tried to run — but cheeks were dense,
Got hit by a bounce and lost all sense. 💥🍑
---
🎤 [Pre-Chorus – dramatic whisper chant]
🎵 It was fast… it was thicc…
🎵 They took my wallet and my breadstick.
🎵 They rode away in a titty-shaped cart…
🎵 And left me with shame… and visible heart.
---
🎤 [Chorus – chant + hype crowd FX]
🔥 THIGHWAY ROBBERY — HANDS UP, CHEEKS OUT!
Booty came flyin’ like a bandit shout.
🎯 They clapped so hard, I dropped my sword,
Now I’m broke, bricked up, and emotionally floored.
🚨 THIGHWAY ROBBERY — NO ESCAPE!
She winked, I moaned — now I need a cape.
Gold’s all gone, snacks got jacked,
But my pants still tight from the rear-end attack.
---
🎤 [Verse 2 – bounce tax]
One had thighs like anime lore,
The other had jiggle with its own backstory.
The third wore boots, but nothing else,
She said, “This is my tax — now undress yourself.”
They didn’t kill me — they just teased,
One kissed my cheek and stole my cheese. 🧀
Said, “You’re cute, but way too easy,”
Then twerked away while callin’ me “Nee-san, please~!”
---
🎧 [Bridge – lo-fi regret with sax]
I’m sittin’ here… broke and bothered.
No loot, no snacks… just thighs in my flashbacks.
🎵 I tried to simp respectfully…
🎵 But the booty was criminally effective…
---
🎤 [Final Chorus – sacred prophecy unleashes]
🔥 THIGHWAY ROBBERY — SCROLLS DON’T LIE!
I’m the Holy One—certified by thighs.
📜 “Hero of Prophecy?” Damn right I am,
But I still got mugged for my vape and yam.
💀 THIGHWAY ROBBERY — BOUNCE ON SIGHT!
Booty pulled up like a thief in the night.
She looted my bag, then my will to stand,
Left me with thirst and a clappin’ hand.
Scrolls said I’d bust seven realms with grace—
Turns out, two cheeks can erase that place.
They clapped so hard, the prophecy shook;
Even fate said, “L + ratio, look.” 💦
---
🎧 [Outro – narrator over jazz beat]
📣 “Next time on OP Nerd...
Will he reclaim his vape?
Will his snacks be avenged?
Will he ever walk straight again?
