Backseat to My Demons

I grew up on "you'll never"

Served cold on a chipped plate

Hand-me-down anger

Same size as my dad's shame

Everybody smiling

Family photos all staged

You can crop out the chaos

But red eyes still say "stay"

I was that quiet kid

Counting tiles on the church floor

Praying like a hostage

"God

Why I hurt more?"

Bible on the nightstand

Phone full of dark thoughts

Trying not to dial 'em

Till the sunrise talks

I've been riding in the backseat to my demons

Let 'em drive every time that I stop thinking

Hands on the wheel but they keep on screaming

"Turn this car around

Crash it into feelings"

I don't wanna

I don't wanna be their victim

Heart on E but I still don't listen

Backseat to my demons

Yeah

I'm done with it

I ain't giving them the keys for a minute (no more)

People say "just vent"

Like I ain't a cracked vent pipe

Leaks in my language

Poison in my insides

Tell me "take a break"

I don't know the brake line

Been in fight-or-flight

Since I learned what a fist's like

Therapist asking

"When'd you start hating your own face?"

I said "When they praised me

Only when I kept pace"

Straight A's

Straight fake

Smile in a straight frame

Got good at being perfect

Horrible at being James

I've been riding in the backseat to my demons

Let 'em drive every time that I stop thinking

Hands on the wheel but they keep on screaming

"Turn this car around

Crash it into feelings"

I don't wanna

I don't wanna be their victim

Heart on E but I still don't listen

Backseat to my demons

Yeah

I'm done with it

I ain't giving them the keys for a minute (no more)

Maybe I am not my worst day

Not my last mistake

Not my family's break

Maybe I am more than what they said

More than panic in my chest

More than voices in my head (in my head)

I've been riding in the backseat to my demons

Let 'em drive every time that I stop thinking

Hands on the wheel but they keep on screaming

"Turn this car around

Crash it into feelings"

I don't wanna

I don't wanna be their victim

Heart on E but I still don't listen

Backseat to my demons

Yeah

I'm done with it

If they wanna ride now they ride in the distance (yeah)

Backseat to my demons

I'm finished