🛻 “Underpass Express”
By Dillon & the Square Cow Crew
Genre: Country-Rap / Comedy / Mover’s Revenge Anthem
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[Intro – Dillon, gruff]
He said he ain’t got it.
Ain’t got what?
Rent.
Well guess what, Jeff… you got a new address.
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[Verse 1 – Dillon]
Jeff said, “Yo, I’ll pay y’all Tuesday,”
It’s Friday — fool still sippin’ Yoo-hoo all day.
Couch potato on a rent-free throne,
So we packed his stuff like it’s movin’ stone.
Me, Paul, and Brandon with the wrap and straps,
Loaded truck 12 with his futon crap.
Didn’t even label it, tossed it fast—
Next stop? Shady lane under I-35 pass.
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[Chorus – All Crew Singing, Gleeful]
🎶 Jeff don’t pay? He don’t stay!
We’ll wrap that life and haul it away!
No keys, no lease, no mattress pride—
Now he got raccoons on the passenger side. 🎶
🎶 Underpass express, next-day rate,
You don’t pay rent? You relocate.
Concrete breeze and a busted chair,
We even set up Wi-Fi — we’re that fair. 🎶
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[Verse 2 – Brandon]
He had pizza boxes stacked like bricks,
Said “This is art” — nah, it’s tricks.
Eviction notice taped to the TV screen,
He used it as a plate for pinto beans.
We got no patience, this ain’t Motel 6,
We’re movers, not roommates — we ain’t in the mix.
So we stacked his crap like urban decor,
Now he’s got foot traffic walkin’ by his door.
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[Bridge – Spoken, Dillon to Jeff]
Look, Jeff.
We even gave you a view of the Chili’s sign.
You’re welcome.
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[Final Chorus – Sung like a bar anthem]
🎶 Jeff don’t pay? We don’t play!
Backed up the truck in broad damn day!
He said “Please wait!” I said “Not today,”
Then dropped his couch in the HOV lane. 🎶
🎶 Underpass Express — no need to stress,
Now you got pigeons bringin’ you USPS!
No more bills, no HOA —
But you better duck when the highway sways. 🎶
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[Outro – Dillon, calm]
He asked if we could at least keep his toaster safe.
I said, “Yeah, it’s in the median.”
KennyT69
