After We Stopped Saying Us

You left your hoodie on my chair

Sleeves still rolled the way you wore them

Coffee stain on the cuff

From that August morning

I water plants you picked out

Talk to them like you moved back in

Your toothbrush in the same glass

Like I'm scared to admit it’s done

We lost the love

But not the habits

Still set a place for you at night

My hands reach out into the silence

Like you might be there on my right

We lost the love

But kept the echoes

Every room still says your name

I changed the sheets

I changed the curtains

But I wake up feeling just the same

Your brothers' photos on my phone

Their birthdays still in my calendar

I scroll past your old messages

Like stepping around broken glass

Our friends say I should "start again"

Swipe my way into a brand new future

But every face is just a blur

Against the outline of your jaw

I boxed your letters in the closet

Marked them "miscellaneous things"

But I know every word by heart

Every promise

Every spring

I keep rehearsing what I’d tell you

If you walked back through that door

"I'm fine

I've grown

I hardly miss you"

While my eyes give up the war