PTSD

This is the reason I refuse to let PTSD win

Not because I'm fearless when the morning settles in

Not because I wake up ready, with a fire in my chest

Some days I bargain with the floor just to get dressed

Healing never came like mercy at the door

It left me counting every breath across the floor

But there is one thing pain can never take from me

The choice to stand when standing feels impossible to see

I keep fighting because my pain isn't theirs

Some nights I bargain with my bed to let me sleep

Night terrors from both accidents got me torn to pieces, 2 months in the hospital listening to screams from people aching an dying stay ringing in my head, false hope is knowing that my family had to listen to 2 doors down truck because it sounded like ours and knowing I wasn’t coming home

They didn't carry every night I couldn't bear

They don't get to write the ending from the wreckage I survived

I am more than what happened, I am still alive

I keep fighting, even shaking, even scared

Not for a perfect life, just for the life that's there

There are mornings when the ceiling knows my name

When a passing sound can pull me backward through the frame

I have learned that being tired doesn't mean I lost

And a slower kind of healing still is worth the cost

No, I don't owe the world a brave face every day

I can tell the truth and still refuse to fade away

If tomorrow only asks me for another breath

I'll give it what I have and call that victory instead

I keep fighting because my pain isn't theirs

They didn't carry every night I couldn't bear

They don't get to write the ending from the wreckage I survived

I am more than what happened, I am still alive

I keep fighting, even shaking, even scared

Not for a perfect life, just for the life that's there

If I break, let me break without becoming gone

If I crawl, let the ground remember I moved on

Every scar is proof the dark could not decide

What I would lose, what I would save, or who stays by my side

I keep fighting because my pain isn't theirs

I know the weight, I know the fear, I know the stairs

They don't get to write the ending from the wreckage I survived

I am more than what happened, I am still alive

I keep fighting, not because the road is fair

But because this life is mine, and I am still here

Still here

Still here

I refuse to let it win